


You're Every Line, Every Word (Everything)

by MakerOfAnarchy



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Famous!Chris, M/M, Mentions of underaged drinking, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, not-famous!Darren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 21:22:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5106203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakerOfAnarchy/pseuds/MakerOfAnarchy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this world, soulmates are identified by matching marks the first time they interact. But after the marks are burnt into their skin, it is up to the soulmate pairing to make it work or go their separate ways. </p><p>This is the story of Darren, 17, and Chris, 24, trying to make it work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this fic for about eleven months now. It has been hard, and tiring, and rewarding. I am finally happy with the result. 
> 
> Thank you so much to my beta, Ginger (gingerbeebee on tumblr) for her help. She's wonderful!
> 
> And thank you to Lindsey for organizing the BB, and for remaining patient with me.
> 
> The title comes from Everything by Michael Bublé, and I really hope you all enjoy it!

Darren lets Joey think that he is doing Darren a favor when he accepts the job. Although they both know it’s really Darren saving Joey from a boring night with too much responsibility. 

 

From what Joey tells him, the event they’re valeting for is actually an award show for kids with special needs, ones from all over California. It’s supposed to be highclass, with celebrities from the A to the D list. It sounds pretty cool to Darren, something he’d probably look into attending even if Joey hadn’t offered. But this way, it’s free, and they get volunteer hours for graduation, which is an absolute plus, because Darren sure as fuck has been slacking on that. 

 

They don’t actually get to drive the cars, since they’re not even eighteen, but still -- it’s a night full of interacting with rich celebrities, fucking around in expensive cars (in the passenger seat, of course) and getting large sums of tips for doing something easy as fuck? 

 

So Darren accepts the offer, and the dinner Joey bribes him with, and happily pins on the name tag to his polyester vest when the sun is setting and music starts out of the ballroom. 

 

\--

 

He feels strangely professional in the shapely vest. He’s freezing his ass off in the San Francisco cold, but he refuses to huddle into a corner and smoke like Joey’s lazy ass is doing, even if it’s extremely tempting with every gust of wind. 

 

Except then there’s a shiny, silver Audi rolling up to the kiosk, slowing to a smooth stop directly in front of Darren. Years of shitty neighborhood jobs and community performances and his own general happy exuberance leads him to plaster on a huge grin as soon as the doors open.

 

Maybe he’s trying too hard but seeing the absolute gorgeous man that steps out of the car quickly turns his grin genuine and flirty.  


 

He really can’t help it. Vaguely, Darren registers Joey rushing over to stand next to him and pretend like he’s actually been useful the entire night, but he doesn’t care, eyes locked on the man and woman exiting the car.

 

And when the guy looks up at him from buttoning his (fitted, slightly shimmery, and stretching over the wide shoulders just perfectly) suit jacket, Darren is practically a puddle right there in front of the entrance. Their eyes meet and Darren gets a gentle smile that has his knees practically knocking together. 

 

Darren compulsively straightens his vest again, and swallows thickly. 

 

Darren takes the brief reprieve from the man’s gaze to admire the rest of his body, trailing down the slim legs to the feet clad in leather and back up again as many times as Darren can get away with. 

 

To his dismay, the woman is the one that approaches Darren. She holds the keys, dropping them in Darren’s (sweaty) palm with a smile. They keep walking, presumably heading into the event, but it’s the man who says, casually and without hesitance, “We should be back in an hour or two, tops. Thanks.”

 

He throws back a cute wink from where he’s attached to the girl’s arm, smiling even wider when he sees the fluster that’s been left on Darren. Darren turns back to Joey incredulously, only to see him looking just as surprised, if amused. 

 

The keys in his hand suddenly feel like a ten pound weight.

 

\--

 

The rest of the night at the kiosk passes slowly. Darren can’t stop thinking about the man no matter how hard he tries or how many cigarettes he smokes.

 

Joey thinks it’s funny. “All the girls and guys you’ve fucked around with and all it takes is this one hot shot to ruffle your feathers. It’s cute, man.”

 

When the guy finally comes back out, Darren is facing the other way like he’s supposed to be, waiting for any other last minute cars who might be pulling up.

 

His presence raises goosebumps on the back of Darren’s neck, even more so when the unusual voice says from behind him, “Hello.”

 

Darren jumps, spins around and immediately begins to grin again, stuttering out, “H-hello, sir.”

 

“Call me Chris, darling,” Darren can smell the alcohol on Chris’ breath, see it in the brightness of his eyes, but his gaze is unashamedly focused on Darren.

 

Which makes him stutter once again, ducking his head, “Can I... help you, Chris?”

 

“Yes. I’d like my car, please,” It’s said kindly as he stuffs his hands into his pockets. 

 

Darren nods, turns and raises his hand to get Joey’s attention, who’s currently dropping the keys of a car that had just recently pulled up onto the rack. He inclines his head towards Chris and sees Joey’s grin and obnoxious thumbs up, and Darren knows the job will get done.

 

He turns back to Chris with a friendly smile, his bearings regained for the moment. “Joey will be back momentarily.”

 

Chris nods in understanding, and Darren expects him to walk away to wait, maybe get on his phone to pass the short time until his car arrives. “It’s cold out here, isn’t it?”

 

And it’s lame but it’s  _ conversation _ , Chris wants to make  _ conversation _ with Darren. His heart jumps and he begs himself not to screw it up. “Yeah. But it’s bearable. I’ve had fun tonight.”

 

Chris’ gaze noticeably slides down Darren’s body and back up again, his smile widening. “I hope.”

 

Darren wonders how much he’s had to drink. 

 

He doesn’t really care. Darren knows and has been sloppy drunk and so-drunk-you-don’t-know-what-you’re-saying and falling-over-drunk and Chris is none of these. He’s alert, if relaxed. 

 

He dares: “Where’s your friend?”

 

“Oh, she’s waiting inside, completely smashed. I’m going to have to practically carry her to her car, so it would be extremely helpful if you would keep the car idle and warm while I run back in for her…”

 

He jumps to fill in the blank, “Darren. And I’d love to.”

 

Conveniently, Chris’ car pulls up then, and Joey hops out to bring the keys to Chris, who immediately hands them to Darren, earning an eyebrow raise from Joey (who thankfully keeps his mouth shut). Chris turns around to retrieve his friend and Darren runs his hand through his hair in disbelief, blushing no matter the efforts the he puts into  not blushing.

 

Joey provides a helpful comment: “Dude. You’re so fucked.”

 

The inside of Chris’ friend’s car is plush with a new car smell, warm from the heater blowing over Darren’s face. He keeps the door open so he doesn’t look too suspicious to his teammates and waits for Chris.

 

Chris, who’s more than likely rich. Who’s definitely handsome as hell. Who’s almost definitely interested in Darren’s bumbling high school ass. He wonders if Chris will still be interested when that little tidbit comes to light. 

 

Darren can’t explain the feeling in the bottom of his stomach that is simply  _ please please please _ . It feels like too much for their simple two minute, if flirtatious, interactions. He’s handled rejections but this doesn’t feel like one Darren could bounce back from. He doesn’t know why and he’s not eager to find out.

 

Out of habit, he checks how he looks in the rearview mirror. He tousles his curls a bit more and tries to do something about the persistent zit on the side of his jaw to no avail. He taps his foot compulsively until Chris shows up, friend hanging onto his arm. The back door is open before Darren can offer to help, the girl dumped rather unceremoniously into the back seat. 

 

She clutches at Chris’ jacket, who simply detaches her and kisses her forehead, buckling her in best he can. Darren hears the murmured, “I guess I’ll just have to drive very slowly, huh.”

 

Darren chuckles, and then their eyes meet in the rearview mirror. He grins, and starts getting out, standing up and finding Chris directly in his personal space. He tilts his head up to meet Chris’ playful gaze, swallowing. 

 

“Thank you Darren, you’ve been wonderful. I tipped your booth but…” Darren feels cool fingers wrap around his own, paper being pressed into his palm. 

 

Darren can’t help the smile that overtakes his face, “Thank you, Chris, sir.”

 

He knows he has to give the money to be divided up by the entire team but it still lights something warm in Darren’s chest to know that Chris is standing here, almost chest to chest with the most enticing eyes, thanking him for his work, no matter how menial.

 

“You’re welcome, babe. Have a goodnight.” And with that Chris slides into the car and pulls away, leaving Darren there helpless for how he feels.

 

As he’s walking, he looks down at the money out of habit, intent on counting it just to see (it turns out to be a hundred dollars, and Darren curses the policy of every tips being divided equally). Wrapped up in the twenties is a slip of cardstock with words and numbers that send Darren’s pulse into overdrive:

 

_ Text me sometime. _

 

It’s been one hell of a night. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

When Darren wakes up the next morning, the side of his palm burns. He complains to his mom when he goes down the stairs for breakfast, and he is handed itch cream and a buttered bagel before being pushed out of the door. The entire school day he scratches persistently at the area but the skin remains unscathed, reddened by his nails. 

 

Until he gets home. It's as he's opening the door he looks down and there, inconspicuous and assuming the place that's been irritating him all day, is a tiny, darkened infinity sign. 

 

Heart racing, he walks inside and hurries up the stairs to his room, not even sparing his mom a hello kiss. 

 

In his room, he sits on the edge of his bed and stares at the, seemingly random, fresh mark. The skin around the sign is reddened and still itching. He rubs his thumb over it and bites his lip. 

 

His mind goes to the slip of paper at the bottom of his desk drawer. The number that has been saved into his phone, memorized by heart (just in case), and written down in every corner of every notebook he owns. 

 

Chris' number. 

 

Your sign only comes in when you meet your soulmate for the first time. The both of you are supposed to have the same symbol in the same place, usually developed at the same time. 

 

The only new person he met last night, that sticks out in his mind, is Chris.

 

Who probably thinks his sign could belong to any of the numerous people he met, talked to, and flirted with that night. 

 

Darren knows logically his sign could also belong to any of the people he charmed and drove in the cars of last night. But he also knows none of them had spared him a second glance (especially not in the sultry, secretive way Chris had), and none of them had caused his heart to race the way Chris had. 

 

So now this is his dilemma: if he hadn't been planning to call Chris, now he has virtually no choice. Chris, who is probably a millionaire in some capacity, handsome as hell and at least five years Darren’s senior. 

 

At the end of this train of thought, Darren feels thoroughly and one hundred percent fucked. Dinner is probably excellent but it's lackluster on his tongue. Rehearsals with his theater group are done in motions, and his interactions are probably sweet but he knows they're stifled also. 

  
Darren takes the lame but tried and true way of waiting three days before texting someone after getting their number.

 

_ Hello. _

 

** Um. Hi. Who is this and how did you get my number? **

 

_ This is Darren.  _

_ Er. Valet guy. _

 

** How did you get this number?  **

** Oh shit...I gave it to you didn't I. **

 

_ Yes. You did. _

 

It takes a significant amount of time after that to a get a response, and Darren is glad he decided to text Chris during school. He has plenty of distraction -- pre-calculus is fucking hard, he has friends who need his attention, songs to write for piano class. Prom is coming up and with it drama -- who’s taking who, who’s renting the limousine, who’s going to get ass after the dance, who’s bringing the weed, etcetera etcetera. All very important high school things that keep his mind occupied. 

 

He has no time to think about Chris, not even when in the middle of fifth period his phone buzzes against his thigh. The temptation to check it is strong, but his teacher this period is a hard ass when it comes to things like cell phones and teachers (including this one) love Darren, but he’s not willing to risk it.

 

So the bell rings, and whatever Darren had been hoping for when he looks at the text is certainly not what he gets.

 

** Listen,my judgment was clouded that night and I really want to forget this ever happened. Do I have to bribe you? **

 

For some reason, this makes Darren mad. Did Chris not notice his hand? That’s extremely unlikely -- Darren hadn’t been able to stop glancing at it since it burned it’s way onto his skin. Does Chris not  _ have  _ the mark? 

 

If it’s not Chris Darren has no clue where to go from here. He leans against the row of lockers behind his back and throws his head back, glaring at his phone. 

 

His passing period is almost over, and people glance at him worriedly when they see him stoic against the lockers. The bell rings and the steady footsteps of his vice principal echoing through the halls spurs him to move. Darren finds the most secluded spot he can, a little nook near the bathrooms that people overlook when they go in, and he hits dial.

 

Chris picks up after the third ring, sounding weary from the start, “Hello?”

 

“Chris,” Darren breathes out, because Chris’ voice does something to him. The hesitation is prominent but it still brings to light just how much Darren has been craving contact with Chris. It reaffirms what he already knows -- that Chris is his soulmate and that he can’t let this slip through the cracks.

 

“Darren...are you not willing to take the -- “

 

Darren interrupts him (rather rudely, but he can’t let Chris go on) “Have you looked at your right hand recently?”

 

He hears a sharp intake of breath, shuffling and what sounds like Chris dismissing someone -- probably his manager, Darren thinks. And god, his soulmate has a fucking manager. He must be living In the Twilight Zone. 

 

Darren, like anyone else, has spent years dreaming of who his soulmate would be. He’s never so much focused on the gender of them, more of the how and why they would meet and fall in love. When he has imagined them though, it’s generally been a pretty girl that he met in college who would dig music and life the same way he did. She’d have an amazing ass and a beautiful smile and she would smoke with him and stroke his hair when he couldn’t find the correct lyrics to his melody. 

 

He never said his imagination was particularly realistic -- and like any high schooler, it’s riddled with ideas of what he wants right then, because he had no idea when he’d actually meet his soulmate.

 

And so it’s quite the shock to be on the phone with a twenty something who surely has his life together and whose gentle speech sends Darren into a whirlwind.

 

“Why?” Chris says when he finally seems to have settled. The suspicion doesn’t feel particularly nice for Darren’s ego, but he’ll deal with it if it means figuring this all out. 

 

“I think you know why…” he lets it trail off, sliding down the wall. 

 

They’re silent for a few moments. Darren looks at the junction between his fingers and wonders if Chris is doing the same. 

 

“Can we talk in person? I...I need to see you…” And this is so unlike Darren, to stammer and guess his way through conversations.

 

Chris groans, and the sound cuts deep. “How old are you?”

 

“Answer the question and I’ll answer yours,” It feels so wrong to negotiate for time with his soulmate. Darren feels like he’s talking to a wall, like he won’t get any responses he actually wants. 

 

“Fine, fine...yes. I will text you a time and place to meet. We can’t go out but I can pick you up and we can figure it out from there, okay babe?”

 

Chris sucks in a breath as soon as he says it. Darren can’t suppress his grin, leaning his head against the wall and quietly saying, “That works. I’ll talk to you.”

 

He hangs up before Chris can regret ever attending the event. 


	3. Chapter 3

The place Chris wants them to meet at is a restaurant, not a coffee shop like Darren was expecting. San Francisco has plenty of both, so it’s no surprise that he hasn’t heard of it. He feels misplaced standing in front of the glass windows, hands stuffed in pockets.The interior looks cozy and Darren knows that Chris said they can’t go anywhere public, but he can’t help but imagine them sequestered away in this very place one day, holding hands and playing footsies under the table.

 

His groan is audible to only him. He is truly so completely and utterly fucked. 

 

San Francisco looks beautiful as it does any day, but fall is particularly kind to the city. People hustle by wrapped in warm coats and scarves and gloves, and leaves stir on the ground with the hustle. 

 

When the car rolls up to a stop in front of him, Darren almost steps back wearily, but then the window roll down and Darren recognizes Chris leaning over and gesturing for him to get in. Darren hurries to do so, sliding into the warm, plush car. The window immediately rolls up behind him, and he puts on his seatbelt mainly as a distraction. His fingers shake when he turns to look at Chris, and it’s so different than the first time. 

 

Both times he has lost his breath, but this time Darren regains it knowing Chris is it. It’s a gut feeling, irrefutable, and something that shakes him. 

 

Chris doesn’t say anything, just pulls out onto the street to battle traffic. They drive in silence, Darren staring and Chris focused on the road. Chris has sunglasses on, and every so often he bites his lip, seemingly in thought. 

 

Chris is surprisingly the one to break the silence. “Where would you like to go?”

 

“Wherever you want to take me,” Darren says, almost sighing. He can see the eye roll Chris gives him, but Darren has never been very good at hiding his feelings. He won’t start now, especially not around the last person he should be forced to. 

 

“We need somewhere quiet…private...” Chris murmurs, fingers clenching around the wheel.

 

“It’s getting dark...we can just sit in a park and talk in the car.” Darren suggests, finally feeling some sort of comfort. It’s not the car that has him uncomfortable, but the sheer standoffishness of Chris’ demeanor turns Darren off. 

 

Chris doesn’t verbally respond, but Darren sees the nod out of the corner of his eye. The silence soon becomes deafening, laden with unsaid things and uncertainty.

 

It drives Darren to the point where he asks, “Can I turn on your radio?”

 

Chris side eyes him but agrees and Darren soon finds his favorite channel, a mix of indie and old school and jazz. 

 

The music eases the tension of the car ride, Darren humming under his breath to the songs he knows and Chris focused on getting them somewhere private.    
  
When he finally does park, the sun is nearly setting. Darren's knee begins to bounce in anticipation as soon as the car stops.    
  
He watches Chris take off his sunglasses and rub his eye, looking weary. And yet, when their eyes lock Chris looks less unsure and more disbelieving.    
  
"So how old are you, again?" Chris says, pushing his seat back and relaxing. He crosses his arms and Darren's eyes are drawn to the bulge of his biceps in the position.    
  
Darren swallows, "Seventeen. I won't be eighteen until February."    
  
"Jesus Christ..." Expectedly, Chris sounds exasperated and slightly angry. Darren doesn't think it's directed at him, but it still makes him cross his arms self consciously.    
  
He didn't choose this any more than Chris did. But at least Darren isn't acting like the world is ending because of it.    
  
He doesn't ask Chris his age. He doesn't really care. Instead he asks the one thing that's been on his mind since he realized..."Can I see your mark?"    
  
Chris offers his hand with a nervous look, and Darren grins to see the matching little infinity sign between his thumb and pointer. He rubs his thumb over it reverently, feeling the slightly raised edges.    
  
"Look...I know you aren't too happy about this..."    
  
Chris sighs, and to Darren's surprise, he flips his hand over so they're holding hands, fingers interlocked and palms pressed together. He looks Darren in the eye and shakes his head, "I'm not. But it's probably not for the reasons you think."   
  
"This couldn't have happened at a more inopportune time." Chris says and squeezes Darren's hand. "Sure, the age difference bothers me slightly -- I am twenty-four if you were wondering. But the fact that you seem sweet, and kind, and worth getting to know kind of makes up for that."   
  
Darren bites his lip to suppress his grin at the compliment, and his heart starts beating rapidly at the admission. Chris looks down for a moment before looking back at Darren.    
  
"I don't live here. I'm in town for that event and then I have a book signing and I have to go back to Los Angeles. Filming just started, and when that's over I have to fly straight to Britain to film something else."   
  
Darren listens carefully, eyebrows becoming more and more pinched as he does. It does sound like a pretty shitty situation, but he doesn't get why they can't work through it.    
  
Chris takes his other hand, bringing them both to his heart. Darren can feel his soulmate's steady heartbeat beneath his fingertips and he gets what everyone talks about when they say your soulmate is the only person you'll ever want. Looking away from Chris when he looks so sincere, and honest, eyes wide and searching Darren's, would surely be a sin.  "Do you see? As much as I might want to...I can't give this," he squeezes their hands, "what it needs. I don't have the time to give it, to give you, the attention and nurturing you deserve."    
  
Darren closed his eyes, unwilling to let Chris see his desperation. "Do you not feel it, Chris? We can't ignore it. I can't sit and wait for you to be done with your life -- it's going to be complicated no matter when we decide to try this. You're famous, and I'm a high schooler. No matter how you twist it...facts remain and how much we need each other is one of them."   
  
Chris nods, leaning closer, "I understand that...I do...but I don't even live here. When would we find time for each other?"   
  
"I don't know...but you can't just walk away."    
  
They're quiet for a few moments after that, searching for answers in each other's faces. Darren finally blinks, bringing his hand from Chris' grip to cup his jaw. Chris leans into it, closing his eyes and resting his face there. Darren sweeps his eyes over Chris’ slowly relaxing features (the turn of his nose, the texture of his lips), and rubs his thumb over the stubble beneath his thumb.    
  
Chris laughs. "I have no clue what I'm doing here, Darren."   
  
"Neither do I. But I really want to figure it out with you."   
  
\--    
  
Chris drives him home when he says he has rehearsals to get to, and to Darren's delight, he asks about the play and listens to Darren's gushing over it.    
  
He tells Chris about his part, the cast and the crew and how excited he is for opening night. They continue to hold hands, Chris steering with his left hand and his knee (which is both scary as shit and hot as hell). He nods occasionally, smiling over at Darren when he makes a joke.    
  
They haven't come to any decision as to what they are, but Chris seems to be receiving affection and attention well. He lets Darren grip his hand and compliment his eyes. It's like the walls that had been up when he got in the car are no more or at least very small at this point.    
  
They pull up to Darren's house and he can't help but feel a little sad. The porch light is on, and he knows his mom is probably curious why he's been gone so long. 

 

Chris sits back and sighs, looking over at Darren with a pensive expression. "I know you need to get inside...but this is something we have to talk about." 

 

Darren gestures for him to go on, heart sputtering. 

 

"We have to consider your age." 

 

“I know...what the law says. I know, that by all rights this is completely sane and legal,” Chris says, staring at Darren’s house, where the curtains flicker occasionally and the light shines through. None of his family knew where he went today, which maybe wasn’t the smartest way to go about it, but he hadn’t felt the need to share his whereabouts. 

 

“That doesn’t mean that I will, or that I want to, take advantage of you, Darren,” he sighs, his fingers flexing around where he still holds the wheel. “And not just...sexually…” Chris turns in his seat, finally, and looks Darren dead in the eye. “But mentally. Emotionally.”

 

Darren repositions their hands, laying his flat over Chris’ and caressing the soft skin of Chris’ wrist. He contemplates what Chris is saying as he examines the vibrant blue and red he sees against Chris’ pale skin. 

 

He doesn’t think that his age automatically implies he’s being taken advantage of. The Universe, or Fate, or whatever, wouldn’t put them together if that was an alarming option. Soulmates come to you when you’re ready. When you’re both ready, you find each other, sometimes in unusual and coincidental ways like they did. 

 

He doesn’t think Chris will hurt him.

 

But he could.

 

Darren looks up and makes eye contact, and he can’t help the soft smile that slides onto his lips. His heart dives into a kickstart, and he tilts his head to the side, still staring at this wondrous man that he gets to call his own. 

 

Chris’ eyebrows furrow, and he glances at their hands quickly. “What?”

 

“My parents didn’t even know where I was today. Neither did my friends,” Darren says, and he is proud of the conviction that fills the words. 

 

“ _ Darren _ ,” Chris starts to scold, “What if I was an axe murderer?”

 

“Awe,” Darren snickers, “even if you  were you wouldn’t axe murder me.” 

 

They laugh together, easy and light. Darren adores that. He hopes they always laugh together. 

 

“But my point is,” he finally says, now holding Chris’ hands in his own, “that I knew you weren’t. That you wouldn’t hurt me. I trust you in my very soul, Chris.”

 

The look on Chris’ face is just shy of adoring, and Darren laughs inwardly, because they’re both pretty taken, after a day.

 

“We’ll probably hurt each other, yes. But I don’t think you’ll ever take advantage of me. I trust you not to.”

 

Chris bites down on his lip, gently, face pensive and thoughtful. And then, in a move that is strangely vulnerable but still so casual, he brings Darren’s knuckles up to his face and leans his forehead against them resting there softly. “I’m flattered, babe. But you have to promise that if I ever do, you’ll speak up.”

  
Chris continues hesitantly and slowly, like he's afraid to make a commitment, "I can't be your  _ boyfriend _ ...I can't take you out on dates every Saturday and take you to Prom."    
  
Darren doesn't say that he wasn't expecting those things. He doesn't have any unrealistic expectations of their relationship being like any other Darren has had so far.    
  
"I can only commit to you. I can only tell you that I'll pick up your calls if I can and be there for you whether you have an issue or just want to talk. I can't promise that my life won't get hectic and that I won't have to bury myself in work. That's just how it goes sometimes. It's my life. But I want you to be a part of it."

 

“But it’s not easy, and it’s not always great. If this is going to work I  _ need _ you to speak up. I need your honesty in order to believe I have your trust.”

 

Chris lifts his head to stare at him determinedly, “ _ Promise _ me.”    
  
Agreeing is easy. “Of course I promise.”

 

They've just begun, and Darren has never needed large spectacles and expensive things to be happy. He's always had it, and he's grateful -- but he thinks he's even more grateful that Chris is giving their relationship a chance. No matter how platonic, no matter how hesitant.    
  
Chris' fingers squeeze his hand nervously, and his smile is even more nervous, endearing and hopeful. Darren is filled with the overwhelming feeling, an almost need, to touch. To feel Chris' skin, to feel the lines and creases, to enjoy.    
  
But the simple entwining of their hands is enough.    
  
He nods. And Chris beams.    
  


  
  



	4. Chapter 4

At ten o' clock, his phone rings. Darren excuses himself from his parents as politely and concisely as possible, hurrying up the stairs and answering his phone, not needing, or bothering, to look at the caller ID.    
  
"Hi."    
  
The days get longer, but easier. He feels spring in his step to know that he has someone to call and to enjoy life with, but he anticipates it so much that the days seem to stretch on and on.     
  


They've been talking for around three weeks now. They've developed somewhat of a routine, with Chris calling him every night around ten. 

 

In class, he's distracted, even more so than usual. He can't focus on the words from his teachers because he's constantly looking at his phone, waiting for a message from Chris.    
  
Chris doesn't message him often though, and when he does it almost never leads to an actual conversation. Just little things that he did throughout the day, and pictures of himself and LA and his environment that might not mean too much to Chris but they mean everything to Darren.    
  
Being included is everything. He is a part of Chris' life, and Chris is making sure that Darren knows it.    
  
It makes Darren want to love him even more.    
  
The myth about soulmates is that you'll fall in love at first sight when you meet your soulmate. And it's simply not like that.    
  
Darren doesn't know how love feels. He just knows he feels intrinsically  connected to Chris. That he wants to share every part of his day, his life, his body and heart with Chris.   
  
But that's not love. Darren imagines love is something completely different. And Chris is not it.    
  
Darren just knows he will be, someday sooner than either of them are ready for.    
  
But for now, Darren knows that he likes Chris. He  _ likes _ him, in the way that makes him blush and his heart race.    
  
He loses his breath when Chris speaks to him down the line, says, "Hey Darren."   
  
Stupidly, he replies, "Hi," again. But Chris just laughs softly.    
  
"How was your day?" And from there, the conversation is easy. Darren doesn't feel pressured to reply or to speak, but when he does have something to say Chris listens intently.    
  
He stops in the middle of telling Chris about his project for his drama class, drops his smile from when he was gushing to say, biting his lip, "Sorry. I know this is probably boring to you." He thinks about the message Chris sent him early that day about being in a meeting with producers, and feels insignificant in comparison.    
  
He's still just a kid, really. And his soulmate is an adult, a very capable adult with a life and a career and Darren...he's afraid he'll drown in it. He wants so much, but he doesn't know if he can handle everything he desires.    
  
Chris breathes in deep, and Darren wishes he could see his face when he says, "No, Darren, no. You don't bore me, alright?"     
  
"Alright..." It's not so easy to accept, but it's not a conversation Darren ever wants to have. He glances at the clock, and sees that it's twelve am, that they've been talking for two hours straight. The thought makes him yawn and clutch the phone tighter to his face.    
  
"You're tired, huh?"    
  
Darren nods and nuzzles down into his pillows, Chris' voice sparking longing in his body. Longing for Chris to be there, wrapped around him, reassuring him.    
  
But Chris can't be here. This is what Darren has to enjoy for now.    
  
"I should let you go to sleep. You have school tomorrow, I always keep you awake too long. I'm sorry, Darren."    
  
"It's okay Chris...I like it," he starts, and then quieter, insecurely, "it's the best part of my day."   
  
Chris sighs, long and deliberate, and Darren almost recoils from the sense of inadequacy that washes over him.    
  
Normally so confident, but with Chris, God, all of that is arbitrary, it all seeps out of him the minute they start talking.    
  
"Sorry, sorry, I know I know -- I want too much I -- "   
  
"Darren. Darren, please. That sigh wasn't at you. It was at how much I really wish I could be with you right now."   
  
He stops. Clutches the covers tighter to him and goes, "Oh," and then again, with more purpose, he breathes, " Oh ."    
  
"Yeah..." Chris trails off, but Darren stays quiet in hopes he says something else. "This isn't just a one sided thing Darren. You're my soulmate. I don't know how, but you are, I -- "   
  
He stops, sounding frustrated. "Look, this isn't something we have to talk about right now okay? We are both still figuring all of this out. It's okay to be insecure... But I'm not going anywhere."   
  
Darren sighs blissfully and repeats. "You don't know how much you mean to me already Chris."   
  
Chris kind of laughs, and then he says gently, "Go to sleep alright? We can talk tomorrow."   
  
"Stay on the line with me? Just...talk to me? I'm already almost asleep."   
  
"Sure. But we can't keep doing this. You have school."   
  
Darren grins sleepily, "but you're so much more important."   
  
And this time Chris laughs wholly, tells him fondly, "go to sleep Darren. I've got a story for you..."   
  
So Darren closes his eyes and half-listens to Chris' voice as he falls asleep. 

 

\--

** Are you busy tonight? **

  
Darren's heart stutters at the text from Chris he gets at lunch, standing in line with his friends behind him, talking excitedly. Half of them are in the production at the local theater with him, and that's the main topic for today. Darren was participating, but then he looks down and sees the text and it's like nothing else matters.    
  
Except his friends are nosy and even terrible at times. Joey peers over his shoulder and Darren barely had time to turn it away from his eyes. He turns around sharply and pushes at his shoulder gently, glaring, suddenly feeling protective of what he and Chris share. "Don't be a nosy asshole, Joey."   
  
Joey smirks and raises his hands in mock surrender, throwing his arm around his shoulders and urging them forward. "Alright, alright, I just wanted to know what suddenly had you so distracted.  _ Excuse me . _ "   
  
But Darren knows that neither of them are really mad at each other and tries to relax his tense shoulders under Joey's arm.    
  
What he has with Chris feels so fragile, so slippery and intangible that he finds himself with the strongest urge to protect it. He and Chris are never actually, physically together, he can't help but want to keep what they do have close to him and only him.    
  
He hasn't even told his parents, or Chuck, or any of his friends. And he knows they would all be delighted but he also knows that they would all be annoyingly intrusive, offering advice and asking far too many questions, and he doesn't think he and Chris can handle that right now.    
  
Let them figure it out before anyone else tries to.

 

_ Not really, not any more so than usual. Rehearsals run a little later tonight but not too much. _

 

And then, because he wants Chris to know and for no other reason than that:  _ Opening night is coming up. _

 

It's fishing, and maybe even pathetic by some people's standards. But Darren doesn't care. He wants Chris to know, to be happy for him, show support, something, anything. 

 

Chris doesn't respond immediately, but that's okay. It's not unusual for there to be substantial amounts of time between their texting. It doesn't worry Darren. 

 

He gets his food from the adorable lunch lady who likes to coo at him in Tagalog (he only ever catches bits and pieces but he knows she means well) and sits down with his friends. Their table is crowded, their group having expanded from him and Joey to a little bit of everyone from the drama department, to athletes, to the music department and all the crossovers. 

 

Darren knows that he's well-liked, popular. He hadn't really  done  anything to earn that title, at least he doesn't think so. But he knows it's true, and it becomes extremely obvious when Joey asks, "Hey, Dare, do you know who you're asking to Prom yet?" and nearly the entire table quiets down to zone into their conversation. 

 

Lauren chimes in, "yeah, you really haven't said anything about it. Give us the deets already."

 

Darren clears his throat and squirms. "It's awhile away guys..."

 

"So? We need to start planning now and we can't without you," Joey leans in to whisper not so quietly, "if you're not sure who to ask I have it on good authority that -- "

 

"I don't know if I'm even going, Joey," Darren sighs. That's time he could be talking to Chris, and that sounds so much more preferable than going to a dance he would probably just spend half the time wishing Chris was with him anyways.  

 

Lauren gasps audibly, dramatically, and proceeds to make it a bigger deal than Darren wants it to be: "you go to every dance Darren! We all do, as a group, and we take dates, and we have fun! Why are you not going?"

 

At that moment his phone vibrates against his leg, and he pulls it out, glancing at the message previews from Chris.

 

** What day is it?  **

 

** And I asked because I want to skype tonight.  **

 

** But only if you want to.  **

 

Joey peers at his screen again, and he knows he's being weird -- Joey is his best friend, and he's usually okay with Joey knowing what he's doing on his phone. But not when it comes to Chris, not when he's not ready to have everyone know quite yet. He turns his phone down in hopes that Joey hasn't seen anything.

 

Joey raises an eyebrow and just as he's about to ask what Darren knows is a perfectly justified question about what's going on with him, the class bell rings, and Darren stands up to hurry out.  

 

He replies to Chris when he's right outside his class. 

 

_ Opening night is two Fridays from now.  _

 

_ And I want to. Anytime after nine, okay? _

 

_ I can't wait :) < 3 _

 

\--

 

Chris pops up on his screen, slightly grainy and extremely gorgeous. He's got on a hoodie and his hair is combed messily backwards, looking more like it's been tousled by fingers than an actual comb.    
  
He looks relaxed, and the smile he gives Darren is infectious. He fiddled with the string of his hoodie and Darren aches with longing. 

  
"Hi," Chris says, shifting slightly. "Your hair got longer."   
  
Darren ducks his head, grinning as he reaches up to tug at the strands around his face before he looks up, using both hands to urge it backwards. "Yeah. It's even more of a hassle now than it was before."   
  
Chris laughs too, but he leans closer and says, "I think it's gorgeous, Darren."   
  
Darren smiles, heat rising to his cheeks, "Thanks Chris."   
  
Darren lets his eye flit over Chris and his background, suddenly curious about Chris' house. Chris notices, "Do you want me to give you a tour?"   
  
"Yeah, that'd be cool. I'm just dying to know how multi millionaire Chris Colfer decorates his house," Darren teases, settling on his stomach.    
  
"Well, I can't take all the credit. Most of it came as is," Chris picks up the laptop and takes him on a virtual tour.    
  
"Are you nervous for opening night?" Chris asks when they're done, after he's showed him his office and his kitchen, living room and his backyard.   
  
"Kind of. I know my lines, I guess I'm just worried about everybody else knowing theirs...but everyone is capable you know? Just worried."   
  
"Don't be. I know it'll be spectacular. I just wish I could be there."    
  
Darren deflates. "Yeah. I wish you could be here too."

 

\-- 

 

Chris texts him the morning of opening night, tells him to break a leg and to take deep breaths. Darren feels eternally grateful, especially when his friends show up and everyone is a ball of nerves. 

 

His house is the established pre-show meet up place, where everyone gets into their respective head space and has dinner that his mom prepares if they can eat and aren't too nervous. Tonight, Darren eats, leaning against Joey while his friends gather around their kitchen island with plates. 

 

Joey whispers in his ear, "Seriously, what is going on with you?"

 

Luckily, no one pays attention to them at the moment. Darren seizes up, filled with the acute understanding that he won't be able to keep him and Chris a secret for much longer.

 

What would he even say? How could he explain that he met his soulmate, but that they're not dating, that they're still figuring things out, that they haven't seen each other in months?

 

That's nobody's business but theirs. No matter how much he wants to, he can't call Chris his boyfriend. 

 

So really, what can he say? Why does everyone need to know? 

 

He realizes he's getting upset, an hour before their opening night. And maybe it's not his Broadway debut, but it's important, and he's not going to give it anything less than his full attention.

 

Everyone will have to wait.

 

"I'm not ready to tell you, Joey. I just need you to respect that." He keeps his eyes on his plate, empty at this point. He knows it might hurt Joey, but there are other things to focus on right now. 

 

"Yeah, okay. Whatever Darren."

 

And that's that. 

 

\-- 

 

The theater is huge ruckus when they all get there. It's a mix of adults and teenagers from schools all over the city. Darren is honored to be the male lead, out of all the people eligible.

 

When curtain call gets closer and closer, those who've already got their makeup done and their costumes on sit in the common area, while everyone else gets their finishing touches. Darren himself is sitting on the couch with Lauren, both of them ready to go. 

 

Someone with a headset walks in holding a huge bouquet of flowers, eyes flitting across the room. The assortment is beautiful, but Darren doesn't pay much attention besides a glance until he hears, 

 

"For Darren Criss." 

 

Lauren gapes at him, and Joey raises an eyebrow from across the room. Plenty of other people stare too, some even pausing in getting their makeup done to look. 

 

Darren understands why, even as he blushes when he stands. It's by far the largest bouquet that anyone's gotten tonight, and the assortment looks professionally done, more so than what just the local flower shop can do. 

 

Darren’s parents already gave him flowers before he left, a small thing his mom handed him with a kiss before he left.

 

He doesn't want to get his hopes up, he hardly sees how it's even possible, but there's really only one person it could be from, who cares enough. 

 

He accepts he flowers graciously, and someone says from across the room, "Wow, Darren. Someone's  _ interested _ ." 

 

Monica, his favorite makeup artist in the crew says, smirking, "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were Bound." 

 

No one knows. He's been covering the junction of his right hand with foundation since he got it.  _ No one knows. _

 

He sets the vase at his feet, admiring the beautiful pink colors he knows Chris chose specifically. It's probably the most romantic thing he's ever seen or experienced, and his heart nearly breaks, tears nearly spill, with how much he wants Chris to be there. 

 

He picks up the card with care from where it's strategically placed on the top of the flowers. On the front the name of the flower shop is scripted out in neat, gold cursive, on top of the purple card stock. Inside a sheer white sheet is attached and he reads the message from Chris while biting his lip to keep from grinning. 

 

_ I know you'll blow them away. Call me after, okay? _

 

_ With my very soul,  _

 

_ Chris _

 

He finishes reading it and can't help grinning at this point, pressing it against his chest. 

 

And he realized then that it doesn't matter if they're not official boyfriends. They each have the others heart and soul wrapped up protectively, and that's not going to change no matter who knows. 

 

Lauren snatches it out of his hand, and he can't even bring himself to be annoyed for once. 

 

"Oh my god Darren. Who is  _ Chris _ ?" She shoves at his shoulder, staring at him with wide eyes. "This is the sweetest thing I've ever read, who is this?" 

 

And then they hear the call for everyone to get in place, and Darren just grins and gets ready to shine. 

 

It's what Chris wants, after all. 

  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

_ My friends want to meet my super hot super secret boyfriend :/    
_ ****   
Tell them you don't have a super hot super secret boyfriend   
  
Just a moderately hot super secret soulmate   
  
__ For some reason, that sounds like it'll cause more drama than saying 'yes' to their questions    
  
And in what universe are you only /moderately/ hot?    
  


_ Because wherever it is I never want to go. It sounds like the expectations are impossible to meet there.  _

 

__ But seriously, what do I tell them????    
  


**** We'll talk about it tonight.    
  
Darren wants to tell the entire world about him and Chris. And as much as he hates to admit it, sometimes he wants the stereotypical experience. He wants Chris to pick him up and take him to Prom, to drop him off and kiss him on the mouth. Darren wants the entire experience.    
  
But what they have is good, so good. Darren wouldn't trade it in.    
  
It's just that sometimes when hard questions like "What do I tell them and how do I do it?" Come up, Darren wishes things were a little easier. That he didn't have to hide and second guess and strategize the small things.    
  
But, he'll say it again: what they have is good. Chris grinning at him through the grainy camera from miles away is good. The feeling Darren gets in his chest when he sees him is good. His desire is great, and his need is exponential.    
  
"Hey Darren," Chris says, unaware of Darren's internal musings and pleas -- unaware of how everything about him and them unravels Darren. "How was your day?"   
  
Darren's eyes narrow playfully, and Chris laughs, and like that, nothing else matters. Nothing but them -- only do they matter.    
  
"I seriously don't know what to tell them. They haven't stopped blowing up my phone for days..." And he stops, pauses to tease, "...since you decided to make a spectacle of us!"   
  
"Well excuse me for wanting everyone to know how much I, l -- " An abrupt stop. His eyes widen, startled, and Darren can't breathe.    
  
Love. A short word that means so much.    
  
"How much I adore, and appreciate you." Chris settles on after a weighted, stilted pause. And then continues hastily while Darren lets out his breath.   
  
They're not ready.    
  
But they will be soon. 

 

“So, what can I tell them?”

 

“What do you  _ want _ to tell them, Darren?” Chris looks sincere as he says it, “This is your life too.”

 

“Yes, but you have so much more riding on this than I do,” Darren says, because it’s true.Chris’ life is much more advanced and mature, and has way more intricacies to it than Darren could ever claim. 

 

Chris looks pensive, and he looks away for a moment as Brian jumps into his lap. Darren watches Chris cuddle and coo at the cat, and he has to smile at the sweet sight. 

 

They’re silent for awhile, and then Chris speaks again. “I really think you should tell your mom, babe.”

 

The petname momentarily throws Darren, but he decides not to acknowledge it, at least not right then. “I will,” Darren says, and he knows it’s dismissive, and that Chris won’t ignore the fact that it’s dismissive. 

 

“When?” Chris presses. 

 

Frustrated, Darren runs his hand through his hair. 

 

He’s thought about telling her, a lot. Often. She is the closest thing he will get to a confidant, and it feels wrong to keep something so huge from her. 

 

But he, honestly, has no clue what her reaction might be. Logic tells him she’d be happy for him no matter what. Fear insists that he can’t be sure of that, not with the circumstances.

 

“Soon, okay?” 

  
"How do you keep your mark hidden?" Darren asks, eager to change the subject from something so scary.    
  
Thinking about just how famous Chris is honestly gives him a headache. It's not something he gives a shit about, but the way it complicates their entire relationship dampens his spirits every time he thinks about it.    
  
Chris' face twists with confusion. Darren watches him bite his lip with apprehension before he says. "I, um...don't?"   
  
They're caught staring at each other when Darren raises his eyes sharply. "What do you mean?"   
  
"Well...it's so small...and it's not like the paparazzi is really focusing on my hand?" He leans forward, intent, and Darren has to force his eyes away from the expanse of chest that's revealed when he does.    
  
"We just didn't feel the need to, honestly."   
  
"Who is  we , Chris? Who did you come to this important conclusion regarding our relationship with, if not me?"   
  


"Just my team. Not even the whole team. Just like. Half the...team." Chris grimaces, and the laptop shakes as he shifts anxiously. 

 

"And they didn't think you needed to cover it up?" 

 

Chris shakes his head. 

 

"And you aren't worried? At all?"

 

Chris bites down on his lip, considering. "Of course I'm a little worried. And some days I do intentionally cover it. But all they can do is speculate -- no one is going to link me back to a high schooler in San Francisco."

 

"I guess that's part of the beauty of these marks, you know? People can see, and guess, and assume. But only we know, right? Only we know if it worked out, if it was too painful or too dramatic."

 

"Or...if it was just right." The look on Chris' face is utterly sincere, eyebrows pinched together as he lets the words seemingly spill from his mouth. Darren's cheeks warm up, his entire body heating up at least a degree when he catches the underlying meaning, and the genuinity. 

 

"And this? What is this, Chris?"

 

Downstairs, Darren can hear his mom coming into the house, his brother loud behind her. Darren’s dad will be at his office for a little while longer, but the warm sounds of family fill the house nonetheless. 

 

And Chris notices it but says nothing, knowing this means their time for the night is coming to an end. They had started Skyping on one of the rare days when Darren came home to an empty house and Chris had a few free hours at the same time. 

 

"This, is not something to be ashamed of. And this is not ideal. But it's almost perfect, isn't it?"

 

\--

 

School lags on. There's only a week before Christmas break, and people are definitely in the spirit. Darren has gotten five presents, ten candy canes wrapped with green ribbon and presented with a note, and six saran wrapped peppermint cookies. Some are just given out during class and others find their way into his locker during passing periods. He doesn't think much of it, takes part in the festivities by passing out his own (custom baked by his Mom) white chocolate and peppermint cookies. 

 

There are questions, from everyone, mainly: "What are you doing over break, Darren?" but also countless party invitations, and just general nosiness. 

 

He mistake is that he tells people he doesn't really have plans. His parents are going out of town for the last days of his break but they're spending Christmas at home, like usual. 

 

What Chris is doing is an entirely different story. He wants to spend the time with Chris, thinks it's the perfect time for them to reconnect in person. And breaching the subject scares him, but they're pretty good at being honest with each other. 

 

"What are you...doing over Christmas?" He asks the night before he gets two weeks off. 

 

Chris startles, akin to a deer caught in headlights when he says, "Um." Darren thinks it's cute. 

 

"Um?" Darren repeats, tilting his head, slightly worried. 

 

"Why?" Chris asks, sounding mildly defensive, and Darren mentally recoils. 

 

He furrows his eyebrows in response, "I didn't know I needed a reason to ask  _ you  _ about your plans..." 

 

Darren watches Chris deflate, his head dropping to his chest. He looks good in the dim light of his room, his collarbones peaking out from the top of his button down, hair deliciously ruffled. Darren can see Brian The Cat dozing on the bed behind Chris, and a semi large television flashes just out of Darren’s view.

 

Chris sighs very heavily, and says with a tinge of regret in his voice, "I'm sorry I just...wanted it to be a surprise." 

 

Darren laughs, his own tension releasing when he sees the chastised look on Chris' face. "You like to do that to me, don't you?"

 

And it's true. Chris constantly surprises him -- with the gentle words he says or the flowers or even the way he worked his way into Darren's life. It's all been a pleasant, startling surprise. 

 

"Yeah, but this time would have been even better because I would have been able to  see  the look on your face."

 

Darren catches on quickly, and his entire body jolts, leaning forward like the motion will teleport Chris here as they speak. 

 

"You're coming here?" Darren breathes, and the excitement is hard to control. Just the  _ prospect  _ sends him into overdrive. 

 

"Yes!" Chris grins, and Darren can't stop himself from clapping his hands and pressing them to his face. 

 

"When, tell me when!" 

 

"I'm still working out the details, but hopefully the Sunday your break begins. And then I'll be there for three weeks," Chris says, and then tentatively asks, "Is that alright?"

 

"Chris!" Darren presses a hand to his heart, feeling its irregular beat and laughing inwardly at his slight drama but -- he can't help it, he's so happy and he has to tell Chris -- "Of course! I want to see you so badly, and as soon as possible."

 

Chris returns his smile, if a bit shyly, and responds with something akin to love in his eye, "I was wondering if you'd go on a date with me when I get there."

 

Darren squeezes at his chest over his beating heart and ducks his head, bashful, squirmy, elated, "Absolutely."

 

"Make sure to okay this with your mom, okay," Chris tells him, "I really want to meet her."

 

That...complicates things for Darren. Fact of the matter is: he hasn't told his mom and he's not sure if he wants to. But Chris coming basically forces Darren, and it is now that Darren is aware that there can in fact be a downside to everything. 

 

Inwardly, he frowns. Outwardly, he puts on a smile and nods enthusiastically, because he's still so happy Chris is coming to visit him, even if it means a potentially awkward conversation with his mom. 

 

He'll figure it out. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Knowing that they're going to be with each other so soon makes the days fly by. He muddles through his last tests, comes out on Friday feeling better than ever. He hugs a ton of people and accepts party invitations. And before he knows it, it's Sunday and he's pacing his room and biting his lip.  
  
He's nervous, and he's worried. He needs to tell his mom before Chris gets here but he just. Cannot go downstairs. He cannot look her in the eye and tell her his twenty four year old soulmate/boyfriend is on his way to pick him up.   
  
Logically, he knows it won't be as bad as he's making it out to be. They’re soulmates, after all. And still, he paces, and vacillates on whether to message Chris with his worry.   
  
Five minutes pass, in which he changes shirts three times and shoes twice, and he finally picks up his phone to send Chris what he thinks is a necessary message.   
  
_Sooo, I am kind of going to tell my mom about us...right now._

 

** Darren **

 

_Yes? :)_

 

_** I'm less than two hours away from your house...and you're just now telling her ** _

 

**?!?**

 

_ Yes. :) _

 

**I know what you're doing, and I'm telling you: stop trying to be cute and go tell her.**

 

_Trying? ;)_

 

** Darren! **

 

At that text, Darren lets out a heavy sigh and gives up the jig. He knows that Chris wanted him to tell his mom way before this, and the fact that he is just getting to it is probably really annoying for Chris. 

 

He puts his phone down then, resuming the pacing he'd been indulging in before texting Chris, because as annoyed as Chris might be, Darren is ten times more nervous. The worst case scenario -- his mom hating Chris and Chris' age and Chris being famous and everything about Chris -- has been playing on repeat in his mind. Imagining what he'd do, if he would even survive if his mom didn't understand.    
  
But she will. He knows his mom just like she knows him -- and he knows she will love Chris, especially when she sees what Chris does for Darren. How happy Chris makes him. How uplifted Darren feels with Chris.    
  
How much he loves him.    
  
Darren jogs down the stairs, guessing his mom to be in the kitchen, and being correct. She's not cooking, just sitting on a stool reading, and Darren feels flashbacks to when he was younger and would sit next to her and read over her shoulder.    
  
He does this now, hooking his chin over her shoulder and gazing his eyes across the text. Stalling time. Trying to take deep, relaxing breaths until he's ready.     
  
But she knows him too well. "I know you have something to say darling. Please spit it out."   
  
Darren steps back, and she turns around on the stool, taking his hand. She looks at him like she knows what he's going to say, and that...doesn't make things any easier.    
  
He takes a deep breath.    
  
"I met someone..."   
  
She nods, encouraging.    
  
"His name is Chris..."   
  
Her eyebrows raised just slightly in surprise, but nothing else registers on her face.    
  
"He's twenty-four..."   
  
The surprise is clear this time, but she says nothing. She only nods again, and Darren pushes out the final words with resolve:   
  
"And he's my soulmate."   
  
She's quiet, squeezing his hand and his anxiety spikes with every second she stays quiet.    
  
At least the hard part is almost over, right?   
  
Finally, she says, with an open expression and love in her eyes, "And you love him, huh?"   
  
Darren can only nod and croak out, "So much mama," before she pulls him gently into her arms, kissing his forehead and holding him tight.    
  
"Fate really can be a funny thing Darren. I'm so glad you found what you needed."   
  
\--   
  
Darren is a nervous wreck all the way up until he opens the door when Chris knocks.    
  
Two months, and it is only at this time when he has Chris standing in front of him, so real, so solid and so beautiful, can Darren say it really is all worth it.    
  
He knew it was. But the added tangibility of Chris being right in front of him cements it for him.    
  
He can't help it. He practically launches himself at Chris' body, arms wrapping tight around his waist and pulling him close. He feels Chris' laugh against his chest, hears it just above his ear, wonderfully gravelly. Darren noses at Chris' collarbone, his heart fluttering and forcing him to press closer, tighter, to hold on as long as possible.    
  
Being with Chris soothes his soul. Just like talking to him does, even just seeing him. But when Chris' arms wrap around his shoulders in response to his enthusiasm and Chris rubs his face into his hair, it's like a balm being rubbed over Darren's infirm heart.    
  
He suspects Chris feels the same. The way that he reciprocates Darren's touch and indulges him when he holds their position for much too long tells Darren all he needs to know.

  
And for these moments, there are no worries and no doubts -- just them and everything is absolutely perfect.    
  
"Babe, I missed you, so much," Chris whispers and Darren shudders with it -- the petname he hasn't heard up close in so long, the sentiment and emotions behind Chris' words.    
  
Darren finally looks up, and meets Chris' eyes. And how different, how surreal to make contact with those beautiful eyes with nothing between them, not miles or computer screens.    
  
This is real. Chris is real. The expansion and contraction of Chris' chest is real. The smooth fabric of Chris' shirt being wrinkled under the fingers Darren has squeezed at his waist is real. Chris, smiling, breathing, loving him? It's all undeniable.    
  
"And while I do love this after so long...We have reservations and I have a mother to meet." Chris' eyes sparkle mischievously, "But there will be time for this later."   
  
And forever.    
  
Darren swallows, exchanging their embrace for interlocking their fingers. Chris squeezes in response and together they make their way inside, Darren leading him into the kitchen where his mom sits reading again.

  
"Mama," he says to get her attention, and tugs Chris forward a step when she looks up at them. "This is Chris."   
  
Politely, she smiles at Chris, but Darren watches her watch Chris. She appraises him, looking him up and down quite obviously. When he glances at Chris, he sees him blushing but still smiling back when he sticks out his hand.    
  
"Misses Criss -- " Chris stops to clear his throat and Darren feels fondness swell inside of him. Chris is nervous, adorably so. All about meeting his mom.    
  
"It's lovely to meet you." Chris finally settles on, and Darren watches his mom’s smile amp up.    
  
"You too, Chris. I have to say I am awfully surprised." They shake hands, and then his mom quirks an eyebrow. “I did only find out about you about two hours ago…”

 

Chris flushes even deeper and Darren becomes interested in his shoes. He knows his decision couldn’t have pleased neither his mom nor Chris but...he shrugs internally. It is what it is. 

 

“I know, and I am very sorry about that. Darren was just worried about how you’d react.” They’re all quiet for a moment and then Chris squeezes his hand and tugs Darren a few steps forward. He bends down just a bit to whisper, “Go upstairs and pack an overnight bag, please. So I can talk to your mom?”

 

Instinctively he wants to protest. Not only because leaving his mom and boyfriend alone to have a conversation, one most likely about him , seems disastrous; but also because he's not a _ child _ and being sent away while the "grown-ups" talk really kind of rubs him the wrong way. 

 

But he gets caught up in Chris telling him to pack an _ overnight _ bag. The thought of spending a night with Chris kind of overrules any annoyance he might feel about being sent away, just enough that he settles for leveling a small glare at Chris and trudging away. 

\--   
  
Chris' car is different than the last time they were together. That time, the car had been a small and silver Chevrolet, but Darren walks out to find a large, impressive Range Rover.   
  
"Is this yours?" Darren asks when they get in, noting the slightly more loved and lived in interior than before.    
  
Chris nods, starting the car. "Yeah, I drove here."   
  
"You -- why? And aren't you tired?" Darren squeezes Chris' hand gently. "We could have gone out tomorrow." Chris probably didn’t have to get up too early to be there by six when he knocked on Darren’s door, but Darren knows driving can take a lot out of someone. You would never be able to tell by looking at Chris, however, who has no dark circles to speak of, with clothes that look like pressed, good quality.    
  
Chris shakes his head, getting onto the freeway. Darren wonders where they're going.    
  
"I wanted to treat you. And I've just," he pauses, glancing at Darren from the side of his eye. "Really missed you."   
  
A heat rushes over Darren, one that has nothing to do with the heater blowing or the coat he has on. His stomach tightens, and he breathes out, "Aww," just to say something. Anything to show how much Chris saying that meant.    
  
\--   
  
The restaurant they go to is alarmingly expensive, pleasantly secluded and charmingly decorated. They're escorted to a booth when Chris gives his last name, and Darren bounces happily against the plush leather, leaning into Chris, who sits on his left side.    
  
"This place is way too fancy for me. I feel like I should have worn a suit." Darren jokes, smiling down at his menu, thrilled that Chris put in the thought to find a place like this for their first date.    
  
But he doesn't need the expense. The way Chris strokes his side and accepts Darren’s body weight is more than enough.    
  
More than enough.    
  
It's nice, however. They look at the menu together, pointing out things that sound good. Darren learns that Chris really dislikes things with cumin in them, and goes for foods with fish featured.    
  
Chris orders a bottle of wine at one point, and when it arrives he pours them both a glass, whispering in Darren's ear, "Shhh," as he hands it to him with a smirk. Darren matches the look and takes the glass, tipping it gently against Chris' before taking a sip. He never breaks eye contact, and when he's done he grins at Chris and gives him a look that he hopes says,  __ Well .   
  
Chris laughs, and Darren thinks everything about this night is exquisite.    
  
It's this time that they finally share the stuff that they've been hesitant to share over the phone, or Skype. Chris tells him about the immense pressure he's under, all the work he has to complete and the level of satisfaction it has to be completed at. Darren grimaces in sympathy and scoots closer, offering his physical body so he can say  __ I'm here .   
  
Darren tells Chris how sometimes being in highschool feels stale and absolute. Like he'll never escape the vapidity of his classmates or the never ending slew of work he just can't care about.    
  
Chris grips his thigh at that, and Darren looks at him, surprised by the seriousness there.    
  
Darren laughs, raising his eyebrows, "Why do I feel like my mom is about to lecture me?"   
  
Chris drops the look, and bites down on his lip. "Just. Don't drop out okay? No matter how mundane."   
  
Darren chuckles, leaning up to nose at Chris' shoulder. "But just think -- if I dropped out, it would be so much easier -- "   
  
Chris cuts him off, begrudgingly amused, "Very funny. Eat your food."    
  
Darren shrugs and complies easily. He was only joking anyways.    
  
At the end, with the waitress standing in front of them, they decide to forgo dessert. Instead, Chris pays the bill (and although he halfheartedly tries to hide it, Darren sees the high number and dramatically clutches his heart. Chris laughs.) and they go out into the deck, last bits of wine in one hand and their fingers on the other hand interlocked.    
  
Darren tips his head back as the cool night air rushes over him, and delights in the rushing sounds of water just below them and birds flapping hard in the sea breeze. Chris wraps his arms around his waist and his shoulders, pulling him into a protective embrace that leaves Darren with his chest tighter than before.    
  
It really is perfect. It's utterly romantic, the tea lights, the water, the quiet chatter of friends lovers and family, and Chris' arms around him -- it's wonderful. Everything has finally settled into place.

 

They stand there, content with enjoying the others body heat and the delightful setting. Eventually, however, Darren turns around and looks up at Chris, noting the way the light shines off his features (accentuated, sharp ears and jaw, complemented by the soft turn of his lips and his nose). And slowly, Darren tilts his head back, keeping eye contact with Chris when he deliberately parts his lips, hoping it encourages Chris.

 

Chris teasingly brushes their noses together before he finally kisses him, soft, slow and achingly sweet. Darren pulls Chris close by the waist and presses forward, sighing when their tongues slide together. It’s like they’re feeling each other out, trying to get the hang of how the others mouth fits against theirs but it’s not a difficult task. Much like everything about them, their mouths fit together perfectly, and when they pull away, lips wet, pupils blown, breathing deep, there is no question. 

 

“I want everything with you,” Chris breathes out before dipping right back down to kiss him. Darren accepts, receives, and groans in pleasure, enjoying the way Chris teases his mouth and dominates the kiss. 

 

This time, Darren pulls back just to say, “We should go.”

 

Chris nods and kisses him soundly one last time, “We should.”

 

\--

Although Darren is the one who suggested they leave the restaurant and go to Chris' hotel, he's nervous the whole drive there. This causes him to be a lot quieter than he normally would be, and he spends most of the time gazing out the window in conflict and bouncing his knee.    
  
He tries to brush it off as casual jitters because really, what does he have to be nervous about?    
  
His sexual experiences can be counted on one hand, but at least they exist. He's not going into this blind or unsuspecting.    
  
He and Chris have only known each other for a short time, but what's time when you're soulmates? When you plan to spend the rest of your life with a person? When you are bound to them?    
  
He's worrying for nothing, he must be. So he tries to stow away the jittery, nauseating feelings at some point during the drive but he obviously doesn't do a good job because when Chris pulls up to the valet station (holy shit, briefly runs through his mind) he turns to him and asks, "Darren, we can go get ice cream or something. If my hotel room makes you uncomfortable then I do not want to go there."   
  
And in his stomach he knows that he should say, _'you're right you're right, this is too much,_ ' but he shakes his head no and says, insistent, "No, no, I want to be here." And Chris believes him because he has no reason to lie, he's not under any pressure, but he still feels held back.    
  
Chris isn't expecting anything and Darren doesn't think he is. This pressure isn't coming from Chris, but from himself.    
  
Chris holds his hand through the lobby and in the elevator, and he stands close like he's trying to get Darren's attention. Maybe he senses that Darren isn't telling the truth, and that's why Darren refuses to look him in the eye.    
  
Chris unlocks the hotel room and opens the door invitingly. Darren surveys the room with curiosity, noting the huge bed and the plush covers and the decorative curtains.    
  
"Do you want to maybe go down to the pool? Or jacuzzi? I think they maybe have a sauna..." Chris says, and Darren watches him loosen his sleeves and his tie, smiling at Darren easily. Want surges through him, and that's when he takes the few steps to Chris and takes Chris' jaw in his hand to kiss him on the mouth. Chris responds with vigor, grabbing his waist and smiling.    
  
He tries to pour all of his nervousness and insecurity into their kisses, hoping Chris can only feel his passion. He slides his hands down, caressing Chris' neck and then chest, digging into the belt at his waist.    
  
Maybe if he just does it, it won't be so scary in the end.    
  
Chris grabs his hand before he can get farther then sliding it through the first clasp, though. He pulls away just slightly, enough to say, "Hey, hey, what's the rush?"    
  
Darren loves the way Chris kisses him. He's not applying any excessive pressure, but Darren feels like his knees are concaving beneath him, and he's only behind held up by Chris' hands and his adoration for the man.    
  
Darren ignores the heady question, and instead just keeps fumbling with Chris' belt. It's a little more complicated backwards, and the shaking in his hands doesn't really help.    
  
He gets it open, though, and pops open the button on Chris' pants before he can chicken out.    
  
He's thinking a blow job, quick, and easy, and satisfactory no matter how he does.    
  
Darren makes to slide to his knees, kissing at Chris' neck, but Chris grabs his wrists at his buckle and stops him.    
  
"Darren, stop," Chris says, and Darren's body freezes.    
  
"You're rushing things. Why?"    
  
"Why not?"    
  
"Because we have all the time in the world?" Chris asks, and he takes Darren's hands and places them on his shoulders. Darren's hands still shake from adrenaline and nerves.    
  
"You seem like you're trying to prove something," Chris narrows his eyes at him, searching for an answer in Darren's face. "But I told you I'm not expecting anything."    
  
"I know," Darren swallows, and repeats it again because he doesn't know what else to say, "I know."    
  
Chris keeps staring at him, now biting his lip. "I really want to go down to the jacuzzi."    
  
It's clear that it's no longer something Chris is asking him.    
  
And Darren is okay with that.    
  
\-- 

  
The jacuzzi is high speed and it immediately relaxes Darren when he sits in it. Chris puts his arm around him as they sit at the bottom and the anxiety and nerves finally completely drains from Darren's body.    
  
"So do you usually stay in lush places like this?"    
  
The hotel really is high class. And Chris didn't really strike Darren as the type of guy to go for the lush and lavish. But here they are, in an extremely nice hotel with a valet and a jacuzzi and a very decorative hotel room.    
  
Chris shrugs his shoulders, looking sheepish, "I mean, I don't really book things. My assistant and accountant work together to book places for me."    
  
"Wouldn't they go for somewhere cheaper? Especially for a personal trip?"   
  
Chris smiles and averts his eyes, "I might have told them I wanted to have you somewhere nice."   
  
"Awwww," Darren coos.

 

“I’m -- glad to have you in my life, Darren,” Chris whispers, telling Darren a secret. ”And I really want to treat you right.”

 

“I’m  so  grateful for you, Chris.” He truly is. The rapid beating of his heart, the rising swell of  _ I love you so goddamn much _ ? He feels at home with it.

 

With Chris, he  _ is _ home.


	7. Chapter 7

Darren’s body wakes up on its own accord, rising gently from the peaceful, warm sleep he’d been encased in. He first becomes aware of his body’s position -- flat on his stomach, face buried in the plush and fresh smelling pillows. 

 

When he lifts his head just slightly from its position, he finds Chris sitting up next to him, clicking away at his phone and gently rubbing his right foot against Darren’s calf.

 

He squints at Chris and yawns out, “Good morning,” before he flops limply back into the bed, content to fall back asleep. 

 

Chris lets out something between a chuckle and a grunt, and the typing stops when he says, “Are you ever going to wake up?”

 

Darren shakes his head, fully awake at this point and grinning slightly when he pulls up to look at Chris again, “No. I say we stay here.”

 

“Until when?”

 

“The apocalypse.” He flops over and cherishes the fuzzy feeling Chris laughing gives him, still smiling when Chris slides down and kisses him. It’s uncoordinated and sloppy but the perfect  _ good morning .  _

 

Chris hums low in the back of his throat, murmuring, "You should go take a shower so we can go have breakfast." 

 

Darren's stomach grumbles quietly then, making it known to him that he's hungry. He smacks his lips obnoxiously and stretches, groaning as he does. "We should go get pastries. There's this great place not too far." 

 

"Mm, fried dough and my favorite person in the world," Chris smiles, cheeky and smug, especially when Darren closes his eyes and relishes in the feeling of being with someone you love. 

 

"No one ever told me you'd be such a sap," Darren teases back, before rolling out of bed and heading for the shower. 

 

"No one told me either," he hears Chris laugh just before he shuts the door to the bathroom. 

 

\-- 

 

The shower pressure is so wonderful Darren barely drags himself away from it, but he does eventually, finding Chris dressed and sitting on the bed, waiting for him. 

 

They smile at each other when Darren comes out, and he unashamedly drops his towel, showing off for Chris who stares at him. 

 

His arousal stirs when he slides his briefs on, just from being the object of Chris' relentless staring. He may not be ready for sex with Chris, but he feels appreciated, and horny when he finishes getting dressed and Chris immediately wraps his arms around him for a hot kiss, lips sliding together wet and effortless. 

 

"You honestly make me never want to leave this room." Chris laughs, his pupils wide and his cheeks flushed. 

 

"Same here," Darren presses forward again when he breathes it out, this time opening his mouth so they can both reach deeper and more intimately. "But I really want to see this city with you. So let's go."

 

\-- 

 

It's sunnier than it was the day before, bright but not hot, not with the breeze. Chris still wears sunglasses anyway, in what Darren thinks is an extremely half-assed attempt at hiding his identity. 

 

The line at the pastry shop is moderate for a Monday afternoon, enough that they have to stand in line. Darren doesn't pay much attention to it, instead wrapping an arm around Chris' waist and nuzzling his jaw. 

 

"We should be careful," Chris half-heartedly warns, even as his arm comes up around Darren's shoulder and draws him closer to his body. Darren’s fingers flex at Chris' waist, holding tight. 

 

"No one really knows where you are, right?" Darren asks in reply, stepping forward with the line. He particularly enjoys the atmosphere of this shop, low key and with a smell of bread and sweets that permeates the air. There are tables for people to sit at, both inside and out, but Darren doesn't want to sit down when they get their food. 

 

As he said, he wants to see the city with Chris. See if it's any more wonderful with his soulmate than it is just alone, or with friends or family. 

 

Chris shakes his head, but his body remains tense. "It doesn't really matter. Even if my team doesn't tip them off, which they wouldn't, not for this, someone who recognizes me could, or they could just be out and about in San Francisco and spot me. It's happened before."

 

Darren nods slowly, contemplating. They're still locked in a casual embrace, but when he looks around everyone seems to be minding their business pretty honestly. 

 

"Are you worried?" 

 

"A little," he answers, and squeezes Darren’s shoulders anyways. They don't say anything else, mainly because Darren doesn't know what to say. He just wants to be with Chris, in public, in private, it doesn't matter. 

 

And now that they're in the same city, getting to know each other in intimate and passionate ways, he might have to give it up because of Chris' life. 

 

He's worried too. He doesn't like the thought of he and Chris being photographed and plastered all over the Internet. Not because he's ashamed of their relationship or anything of the sort, but because he's afraid of what the drama of it will do to them. The inevitable invasion of privacy sounds devastating. 

 

But is the possibility, the slim one, worth distancing himself from Chris?

 

"I think...that you came to visit me, and to be with me, right?" 

 

"Of course." 

 

They get to the front of the line, and the cashier issues a friendly, "Hi!" Chris orders something with poppy seeds and Darren gets something with a chocolate drizzle. 

 

Chris automatically goes to pay when the cashier tells them it's 4.95, and when he steps in front with money at the ready Darren pulls him back by the belt loops, laughing, "Let me."

 

Chris glances at him with a smile before shrugging, and Darren is happy that it can be so easy. Chris doesn't argue about the little things and that's what Darren needs, he thinks. Someone who lets the small stuff be important, who doesn't overlook it in favor of big gestures. 

 

The flowers on his opening night was a small gesture that happened to cause a big stir. Coming to Darren to spend weeks with him is a big thing that Darren will always appreciate, because it lets him understand things about Chris like the fact that he likes poppy seeds or he doesn’t  _ snore _ , but his breathing at night is deep and audible.

 

Darren hands the cashier a slightly wrinkled ten dollar bill from his back pocket and tucks the little things there instead. 

 

At a table outside, with the sun bright on them and their hands clasped, Darren resumes their conversation, with new passion. "If you came here to be with me, then please just be with me."

 

Chris nods, picking at his pastry as he watches the sidewalk. People shuffle past the shop, just past the small little gate that encases the outside eating area. Darren watches his face for any sign of how he feels besides the nod, and finds none. 

 

He sighs, shrugging. "I just want to deal with it when it comes. Is that okay?"

 

And finally Chris looks at him, smiles softly, even if the hesitation is still there. "That sounds perfect."

 

\-- 

 

After the pastry shop, they walk through the streets to take in the city and enjoy the others presence. 

 

They don't hold hands, but Darren forces himself to be fine with that. Instead he wraps his arms around his body and points out places he likes to go to or places he hasn't been in downtown.

 

It kind of loses its specialty, however, when Chris doesn't really say much. He's jumpy, and his smile is less smile and more grimace. 

 

Darren thinks that holding hands would make them both feel better, but then again...what does he know?

 

Whenever they drive somewhere in the city, Chris holds his hand over the console and finally seems to relax. And then they get out of the car and it's back to an appropriate amount of space and a lack of affection for them. 

 

Darren quickly gets tired of it. They're in the middle of a shopping center when Darren stops abruptly, his stomach churning and face probably twisted negatively. 

 

"Chris..." He says, turning to him and gently touching his wrist. He sighs when Chris barely flinches away. Anger bubbles dangerously in his stomach and he huffs. "Let's just go back to your hotel."

 

At least this surprises Chris. He looks concerned behind his sunglasses, and Darren wishes he could see his eyes more clearly. "What, why? Weren't you having fun?"

 

He starts back towards where they left Chris' car, knowing Chris will follow him back. He doesn't verbally answer, only shrugs and hopes Chris can maybe leave it at that. 

 

At least for now. 

 

Darren doesn't know what to do with this feeling in his throat. He wants to tell Chris how he feels, why there are tears in his eyes, but in the back of his mind, doubt creeps up. 

 

He can feel Chris' eyes on him the entire way back to Chris' hotel, which he still doesn't know the name of. Darren refuses to turn and look at him, not even when they stand silently in the elevator together up to Chris' floor. 

 

Their entrance to the room this day is starkly different than the one they had last night. Last night had been passionate and lingering, but today Darren feels like the doubt, the negativity, is suffocating him. 

 

He's unsure, and that makes looking at Chris from where he sits on the edge of the bed difficult. 

 

For his part, Chris stands in front of him looking equally unsure. At least, that's what his body language from his feet to his shoulders indicates. Darren won't look any farther. 

 

He hears Chris sigh, and then he turns around and walks into the bathroom. 

 

_ Chris doesn't want to be with me. _

 

Of course he does, he's your soulmate. 

 

_ That doesn't mean anything. He could want more than what I have.  _

 

Tell him! Why aren't you talking to him! 

 

_ I can't. I won't. What if I'm wrong? What if I've been wrong about this whole thing, this whole time?  _

 

There is no rationality to it, but it's how he feels. And he tries to work passed the lump in his throat so he can fix this, but in the end he just stands up and starts solemnly packing his things back into his bag. 

 

\-- 

 

Chris comes out of the bathroom with a redder face than usual and his hair askew, like he's been messing with it out of nervous habit the way Darren has seen him do. 

 

His face falls when he notices Darren's stuff is all pulled together. "Oh...you're leaving?"

 

Darren shrugs, and says much more harshly than he intended, "Why would I stay?"

 

"...Because you want to be here?...because I want you here?"

 

"Do you?" Darren says, only looking at his hands and feet and the beige carpet. That's how he sees Chris suddenly kneeling in front of him, cupping his cheek and asking with his eyes questions Darren isn't ready to answer. 

 

"Darren," Chris tilts his head curiously, face wrinkled in distress, "of course I do."

 

Chris moves to sit next to him, placing one hand on top of Darren's folded ones. "Somewhere...somehow...something went wrong today Darren. And if you don't tell me, I can't fix it."

 

Darren huffs out a harsh and stuttering breath and says, meeting Chris' eyes and knowing that there are tears in his own, "Why wouldn't you hold my hand?" 

 

For a moment, Darren can see the helpless look on Chris' face. And then it changes, softens, and Darren can feel the sweet empathy pouring off his soulmate. 

 

It's in his voice when he says to Darren, "I didn't not hold your hand to hurt you, Darren. It's not you. It's never you." 

 

Darren doesn't bother wiping his tears away. They come hot and easy, dripping slowly. "Then what is it?" 

 

"It's  _ everybody else _ ,  Darren," Chris sets his hand on Darren's knee and squeezes gently. "I told you at the beginning of the day what I was worried about. And I guess I...just couldn't shake that."

 

"I thought we agreed that you'd be there with me, not everybody else."

 

Darren doesn't think he's being unfair, not really. They can't even enjoy  one  day together without something getting in the way. They deserve to be able to act like a normal couple just like any others. 

 

"I can't just turn it off, Darren," Chris says, and Darren gives him credit for at least being sincere. “I have been living like this for the better part of five years. It’s reflexive.”

 

Darren says nothing. He  _ wants _ to say, wants to ask,  _ I thought I meant more than they do.  _ But he doesn’t, at least not before Chris continues, “Darren, it’s something you can’t understand until you experience it. But I am trying to make sure you  _ never _ have to.”

 

“So, what? You’re  _ protecting  _ me?” Darren asks, his voice petulant, to his chagrin. He wants so badly to be the mature soulmate Chris deserves. He unfortunately can’t help his frustration, though. Chris is  here , with him, and they aren’t cuddling or kissing like he wanted. No, instead they’re sitting with what feels like miles between them, the same distance they have been dealing with since they got together, and having a conversation that hurts Darren to his core. 

 

“In a way,” Chris says, squeezing his knee and moving just a bit closer. “In my  _ own way _ , yes, I am. And I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t feel like I had to. You think I don’t  want to hold your hand and show you off?” Chris cups Darren’s chin and kisses him gently, both pairs of lips dry but the kiss still sweet, still genuine. Chris’ hand slides from Darren’s knee to his waist and his whole arm pulls them flush together. Darren can’t help his tiny smile and the way his own arm comes around Chris’ back, especially when Chris tilts their faces together again and kisses him again, harder, with even more intent. 

 

_ We’re not a regular couple.  _ Darren thinks back to Chris telling him that they can’t go on dates or to Prom. That all he can do is be there for Darren, in the small ways he can. 

 

Chris has been warning Darren from the start, that this may not be what Darren is expecting it to be -- not what he wants. 

 

And at first, that had seemed fine to Darren, because he was hopelessly enamored. 

 

He’s  _ still  _ hopelessly enamored. Love swirls through his entire body when he simply  _ looks _ at Chris, and that is the result of Chris keeping his promise. His promise of keeping them connected and in contact, and always learning about each other.

 

The superficiality of their relationship is gone. No longer is it based off only the pull that seems to hold them close, even hours apart. No longer is it based off of their raw attraction to each other.

 

Now, it is based off so much more. It is real -- they are in a relationship that has to deal with reality as it comes, even if Chris makes Darren feel like he’s living in a dream.

 

And Hollywood, paparazzi, the invasion of privacy is all apart of Chris’ reality. Darren has to accept that. 

 

"But I can't," Chris finally continues after they've simply been sitting with their arms around each other. "Right now, I can't." 

 

"So when do you think you can? Because you know hiding won't work forever," Darren says honestly. He doesn't want to stress Chris out about this anymore than he already seems to be, but it's a question they have to at least think about. 

 

"When you're out of highschool, maybe? I don't want the sudden onslaught of intrusion to affect your Senior year." 

 

Darren nods, willing to accept that. "I'll try to be more understanding..."

 

"And I'll try not to let you forget just how important you are to me." 

 

Darren grins, and giggles, "Deal." 

 

"Deal," Chris replies, and they seal it with a kiss.   
  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

They spend the rest of the weekend together, mostly staying in Chris’ room or taking advantage of the hotel’s many amenities.

 

And making out. They spend a lot of time making out, and it eases the pressure that Darren had been feeling the night they arrived at Chris’ hotel. Chris doesn’t ask for anything, and he kisses him like he means it. They keep their hips separated and spend time innocently exploring what they can over the other’s clothes. 

 

Darren thinks its juvenile -- it is, after all, something he has partaken in many times in high school -- but he realizes the necessity of it. There’s no rush, no pressure, and Darren appreciates every kiss. 

 

However, their mini-Honeymoon comes to an end Monday night when Darren's mom texts him bluntly that he is to come home on Tuesday and that he is to bring Chris with him for dinner. 

 

"Are you allergic to anything?" Darren asks Chris when they pull up to the driveway. 

 

"No," Chris raises his eyebrow, looking over Darren. "It's probably a little late to ask me that, isn't it?" 

 

Darren has his hands wrapped together in his lap, trying to hold his nervous energy inside his body where it  belongs, goddammit . 

 

He shrugs, nods, and says after a silence, "I'm allergic to pet fur. Tell Brian I'm sorry."

 

Chris laughs and puts his hand over Darren's, pulling them apart and kissing his palm. "Why are you so nervous baby? We have already met and it was fine."

 

Darren wishes he could be the calm guy everyone thinks he is. Sometimes he  _ is _ , but right now he is not and there is nothing they can do about it except get it over with. 

 

"I just want it to stay that way." 

 

"And it will be. But we won't know for sure unless we get out of the car." Chris teases him and makes sure that Darren sees his reassuring smile. After a minute Darren nods and opens his door, immediately walking to Chris' side to take his hand. 

 

Chris squeezes it in a comforting gesture before Darren lets them in. 

 

It doesn't take long for Cerina and Chris to get along. After they get through the preliminary questioning about Chris' life, job, family, and friends, Cerina is laughing at all of Chris' stories and jokes. Bill is quieter but seems just as delighted, and in the end Darren can't help but feel silly for worrying so hard. It really could not have gone better. 

 

The only bump in the road is towards the end of dinner when Bill brings in the chocolate fudge cake intended for desert. As he cuts it, he casually directs towards Darren, "Have you heard back from any colleges yet, son?"

 

Darren, who had been stroking Chris' left forearm in his lap, feels the muscles tense in his hand as Chris reacts before Darren can say anything. 

 

Darren rubs harder, hoping to convey that everything's fine, and responds quickly, "No, papa, it's way too early. I'll know a little after my birthday."

 

Darren swallows and looks across to his mom who is watching Chris with a knowing look on her face. Darren finally looks at Chris and gently touches his shoulder, hoping to make eye contact. 

 

They have not really talked about college. Or anything about their life after Darren finishes high school. 

 

"Where have you applied?" Chris says when they look at each other. His anxiety about the subject is revealed only by the jiggle of his leg. 

 

Darren looks down, reticent, because how could he have known? How could he have known that his soulmate would drop into his life just after he applied to colleges? How could have have known that his soulmate might have needed him here, in California, when he applied to five colleges out of California and only three in it? 

 

There is no possible way he could have known but still he looks down and bites his lip, "A few places..." 

 

There is a stilted silence where no one really knows what to say. Bill seems to sense that he's touched on a weird subject, and they eat their cake in silence. 

 

"You know, Chris, it has been great meeting you," Darren's mom finally says, and Darren almost sighs with relief. "We're gonna head upstairs now. It's been a long day." She says, pointedly, and stands up. She kisses Darren on his cheek and Bill clasps his shoulder and then he and Chris are alone. 

 

"Darren -- " Chris starts, but doesn't finish because Darren is climbing onto his lap, cutting off his sentence when he kisses his neck. 

 

"Darren, we have to talk about this,” Chris tries to insist, but Darren just nudges Chris’ head back with his nose and drops shy pecks there. Hands grip his waist and Darren smiles sweetly between the trail he makes up to Chris’ nose.

 

“Yes, we do,” he agrees, and continues before Chris’ can ask any questions. “Just, tomorrow, maybe?”

 

“I know you have work to start on and I am supposed to see Joey and Lauren, but maybe we can meet up somewhere between that and start this conversation...which will probably not be resolved in one night anyways.”

 

“That’s why we should talk about it  _ now  _ \-- “ Chris tries to insist again, but Darren shakes his head and pouts. 

 

“Tomorrow, I promise. Now kiss me goodnight because I’m tired as  _ fuck _ _._ ”

 

Chris rolls his eyes, but complies.

 

\--

 

Darren has wanted to attend University of Michigan at Ann Arbor since he was a freshman. That’s been his goal, his dream, and he isn’t keen to give up on it. 

 

But Chris was the introduction of a new dream. A new goal, one that is simply  _ keep him happy _ and  _ keep us together _ ...neither of which he can achieve from across the country. 

 

He tells this to Chris over lunch on Thursday (Joey and Lauren refused to let him ditch them for Chris, which he really can’t blame them for). “I applied to Michigan, NYU, some other out-of-states, and CSU East Bay, USC, and UCLA.”

 

Chris pokes at his caesar salad, poorly attempting to hide his disappointment. “That’s a lot of out-of-state colleges, Darren.”

 

Darren grimaces. “I know. But I applied before I met you. You get that right?”

 

“I do,” Chris nods, and Darren feels as his foot begins to jiggle underneath the table where Darren’s own had been cozied up against it. “Where is it you wanted to go the most?”

 

Darren takes a deep breath, “It’s not important. I think I have a pretty good chance of getting into UCLA.”

 

“ _ Yes _ , it is important,” Chris insists. “I don’t want you choosing somewhere just because I am in Los Angeles. We can work anything out.”

 

“I’m tired of distance, Chris. I don’t see why I should willingly spread us out across the country when I would be just as satisfied in L.A.”

 

“Across the country? You want to go to New York?” Chris’ face lights up as if that answered their questions. 

 

But Darren shakes his head. New York is a wonderful city but it isn’t where he saw himself going to college. “If you really want to know...I wanted to go to Michigan.”

 

Chris’ lips turn down in disappointment, but he quickly smiles again, “Then that is where you should go.”

 

“ _ Wanted _ ,” Darren sighs, exasperated, “That is where I  _ wanted _ to go. Now I want to be wherever you are.”

 

“And  I  want you to be happy.”

 

Ultimately, it is Darren’s decision. It’s his life, his possible career, and while Chris is a big, important part of that, he isn’t the deciding factor. Darren believes him when he says that they could work it out. 

 

“I swear to you,” he says emphatically, taking Chris’ hand between the both of his over their table. “I will be happy wherever you are. I  _ swear _ ." 

 

"I know you will," Chris relents, "but my concern isn't  _ j ust _ whether you'll be happy. It is whether you'll be getting the best education you can. You deserve the best, Darren."

 

"So please keep thinking about it. That's all I want."

 

\--

 

Chris spends Christmas with Darren and his family. He comes over just before they’re all about to sit down and eat, and the first thing he does when Darren opens the door is hand him a very tiny, gift wrapped box. 

 

Darren steps out into the cold and takes the box, smiling as he shakes it. “If this is an engagement ring you’re crazy and my answer is yes.”

 

Chris rolls his eyes and urges, “Open it!”

 

Under the gift wrap is a white velvet box, which does hold a ring inside.

 

“We have these marks,yes,” Chris says when Darren looks at him for explanation. “And I am so grateful to have you as my soulmate. But we didn’t chose to be branded.”

 

“This is me choosing to show the world that we're together, because we want to be. And I hope you will accept it, and me.”

 

“I will, on one condition,” Darren says, slowly taking the ring out of the box. 

 

Chris bites his lip but agrees, “Anything.”

 

“You should have one too. So the world knows you’re mine just like I'm yours.”

 

Darren slides the ring on and looks up at Chris hopefully, who nods and smiles. “Absolutely.”

 

\--

 

For once, New Years is a quiet affair for Darren. He usually hangs out with friends and has a countdown like everyone else. This year he stands with his arms around his soulmate and watches fireworks light up the city, content and sure in the new year.

 


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of Darren’s holiday break is spent between Darren’s house, Chris’ hotel room, and various parts of San Francisco. They visit museums, see old films at the cinema, and even see a concert at The Fillmore. 

 

It’s picturesque and exactly what Darren imagined it would be.

 

However, the bliss pops almost as soon as school starts once again. 

 

The pictures surface on his first Tuesday back, when he's in Econ class and fighting to keep his eyes open. He wouldn't find out during that class, except Lauren, who sits behind him, gasps loudly half way through, effectively startling the whole class.    
  
Their teacher stops and quirks an eyebrow, but Lauren stammers out, "Nothing - sorry, I am just so excited about Econ Mister Valdez continue, please!"   
  
Even Darren is suspicious at this point, but their teacher continues on.    
  
Five minutes later his desk is rattled when Lauren kicks it violently, and he turns around sharply, annoyed up until she shoves her phone in his face and he registers what he's looking at.    
  
He doesn't know what site it is, but he knows it's trashy. It's the type of site he normally wouldn't look twice at, except he's looking at pictures of himself.    
  
He and Chris.    
  
That day had been so great, and here it is coming back like a bad dream. Three pictures, that reveal way too much about him and Chris.   
  
He's still staring at the pictures in shock when Lauren shakes it and hisses quietly, "What is this?  _ Who _ is this?"   
  
And at that point, Darren figures it’s too late to lie or pretend.    
  
He shrugs and pretends like he isn't breaking down on the inside when he says, "That would be my soulmate."   
  
And he turns around and ignores Lauren's sputtering.    
  
\--    
  
He leaves early. It maybe wouldn't have spread so quickly if it hadn't been a website popular in San Francisco, but when he walks out of Econ class it's like he's an anomaly.    
  
So he leaves, or rather, ditches. His mom will understand, once she finds out.    
  
__ God .    
  
He lets himself into Chris' hotel room. Chris isn't there, but that's okay. He dives into the large bed and buries himself in Chris' scent, pretending he is there for the time he isn't.    
  
He doesn't text Chris, figuring he probably knew before Darren even did. And he also needs time for himself. This is exactly what he'd been afraid of, their business and their love being splattered across tabloids that didn't really care about them or their happiness. It shakes him more than he anticipated.   
  
He wonders how worried Chris is. Their conversation at the pastry shop comes to mind, and how Chris had tried to warn him. He hadn't heeded it, and here they are.    
  
Well, Chris isn't here at all. Which irritates Darren.    
  
He's upset -- mostly with himself.    
  
Darren only lies there for thirty minutes before the door slides open, but that's just enough time to stew and stew until he doesn't even want to see Chris. But he lets Chris drape himself over Darren's cocooned body, if only because his close proximity comforts Darren, no matter how upset he may be. The covers are pulled back slowly until they make eye contact, weary eyes meeting worried ones.    
  
"Are you okay?"    
  
Darren huffs and shrugs, pressing his face back into the pillows. Chris clicks his tongue at him and gets off of him, and Darren hears brief shuffling before Chris slides in next to him, laying on his side to face him. Darren turns away, but doesn't resist when Chris wraps an arm around his waist and scoots closer.    
  
Chris buries his nose in his neck and Darren reaches back to run his fingers through Chris' hair, and simply melts into him.    
  
"Why won't you talk to me?" Chris asks, placing gentle kisses along Darren's neck. When Darren is silent, he presses his mouth down harder, maybe going for a mark, before he pulls up and continues, "Is it something I did? Or, um, didn't do?"   
  
As good as it feels, Darren feels heat spiking up his stomach. And not the good type. The type that makes him pull away from Chris and sit up, anxiously running his hands through his hair.    
  
He's not someone who gets angry, and if he does it usually evaporates before he can impulsively act on it. But right now he sits up and shies away from Chris' curious touch to his lower back and grits out: "I should have listened to you."   
  
He hears Chris sigh, and underneath the slight haze of anger, Darren is grateful for Chris' ability to get it, without a detailed explanation.    
  
"Maybe. And maybe I should have been more cautious, myself." Chris says, his tone laced with frustration.    
  
_ Well that makes two of us _ ,  Darren can't help but think, pettily.    
  
Chris doesn't try to touch him again, even if Darren kind of wishes he would. But he knows it's better for them to have this conversation without adding a physical sense to muddy it up. Chris stays behind him when he speaks again, and his presence is prominent and inescapable to Darren, even without touch. "I should have prepped you, or something. I've been dealing with this for so long...I guess I'm not as affected right now as you."   
  
Darren stands up, turning towards Chris sharply. He keeps his voice level. "Well, Chris. I don't have that luxury. All of this is new as fuck to me and it scares me -- "   
  
Chris interrupts him, his hand raised and stretched slightly towards Darren, "I know," and the hand twitches before it curls into a fist and presses against his thigh. "I know. I am sorry I didn't consider that." His lips quirk into a smile, and Darren so badly wants to touch him again. "Sometimes I forget how old you are. I feel like we're partners already."   
  
Darren's heart kicks up a notch but he sighs and hunches in on himself, "that's nice, Chris. But I'm still learning and I'm scared."    
  
Chris nods, scooting to edge of the bed when he says, "I know, I know. I'm sorry. We can talk about it."   
  
Darren drops his defensive body position, and automatically accepts Chris’ hand when he offers it and says, "Now may I please touch you?" He stands between Chris' legs and lets Chris wrap his hands around his waist and pull him closer, pressing his face and a kiss into his stomach.   
  
Darren cards his fingers through Chris' thick hair and holds him close.    
  
There is something about being with your soulmate. The love and attention you long to give each other outmatches almost anything and everything. It makes it hard to fight, it makes it hard to stay apart. There's nothing more you each want than to soothe the aches and be together.    
  
But soulmate pairings are just the same as any other couple, if a little more attached. Darren definitely feels that part, especially now that they've spent so much time together. He doesn't know how he'll get by when Chris has to leave for Los Angeles again.  _ (In four days.) _   
  
But he will.    
  
He doesn't want to spend their time together talking about things like this. How long they can be together is limited and Darren would rather spend his time touching, kissing, and breathing Chris in deep.   
  
Chris pulls back and looks up at Darren, right in the eye. "What do you want to do, Darren?"    
  
Darren shrugs, moving away to sit next to Chris on the edge of the bed. "I don't know. What does your team want to do?"   
  
Chris looks sheepish at Darren's assumption that he's already gone over everything with the people he works with. Darren's not upset though, not like last time.    
  
"They gave me two options. There really are only two at this point. And I want to do what you want to do, so don't ask. Just think about it."    
  
Darren does think about it. It's been so important to him the entire time that they've known each other, for this thing between them to be theirs and theirs only. They didn't know each other well enough to let other people know.    
  
And maybe to some extent they don't yet know each other well enough. It's only been three months, after all. Darren doesn't know simple things about Chris -- he doesn't know his favorite movie or his biggest fear or favorite place to be when he feels overwhelmed.    
  
But for all of that, Darren still believes they  know each other, where it’s intimate, where it counts, where no one else can say the same. And all the things he doesn't know he's eager, so eager, to learn. He wants to discover and understand Chris in a way no one ever has and some can only hope and wish to.    
  
Soulmates are not so easy to be broken, but there's still work to be put into the relationship.    
  
_ But _ _,_ Darren thinks, and he bites on his lip gently, moving to straddle Chris and push him into the bed. Chris' hands settle on his back, wide and possessive and  home .    
  


_ There is so much time _ . He's only (almost-)eighteen and Chris is only twenty-four. They have decades together.    
  
The world knows, the world has seen. They've seen him tucked against Chris' body with Chris' arms right around him. They've seen him kissing Chris' neck and they've seen them both sharing smiles that Darren swore were private.    
  
But they're not, at least not anymore.    
  
Darren thinks and considers but in the end he just can't think of the right answer. But he knows there's no point in trying to deny it -- it's too obvious what's going on. And he hates lying.    
  
"Darren," Chris says, reaching up to touch the back of Darren's neck softly, just to get his attention. And still the touch is so reverent Darren sucks in a gentle breath in response.    
  
"There's no point in denying it," he starts, hesitant, and Chris nods in agreement. "But they don't necessarily have to know everything do they?"   
  
Chris grimaces, his fingers trailing down Darren's back. "That's the thing Darren. We don't have to tell them anything for them to eventually figure it out."   
  
Darren watches Chris' face transition from the calm, worried look to an angry and annoyed look within the span of two seconds. Next thing he knows he's being urged up and away from Chris' lap.    
  
Chris sits up and runs a shaky hand through his hair. Darren watches from a cross legged position on the bed, watches Chris' back contract and expend beneath the fabric of his shirt as he takes deep and measured breaths.    
  
"Shit, Darren. This is serious." He hunches over and sets his elbows on his knees. "I've been trying to just figure out a way to protect you -- "   
  
"I really don't need your protection, Chris -- "   
  
"For this, yes, you do," Chris says with power, and Darren bristles even further.    
  
"What happened to being  _ partners _ ," Darren spits, surprised at how the conversation has gone from bad to good to utterly terrible   
  
"I was so stupid, Darren," Chris continues, resolutely ignoring the dig. "I want to protect you but I just -- stood in public and let you be all over me -- "    
  
"Well I'm  _ sorry _ for fucking loving you, Chris," Darren says, harsh and, admittedly, bitter. "I'm  _ sorry _ for being excited to be with you."    
  
Logically he knows Chris is just rambling, talking aloud, but Darren hears it and it hurts. Things had been going so well.    
  
"I love you too, Darren -- and that's why I need to do everything I can to protect you, I -- " Chris swallows roughly, Darren can see the sturdy workings of his throat. "I have to."    
  
"You don't have to do shit, and even more, I don't want you to do shit but be my fucking boyfriend. And boyfriends don't treat each other like this."    
  
"Like what?!" Chris spews, finally standing up and beginning to pace. "What the fuck is so wrong about wanting to protect you?"   
  
"You're not listening!" And at this point they’re yelling, they're yelling at each other with their faces red and their palms sweaty.   
  
"You're not  _ telling _ me anything," Chris throws his hands in the air, exasperated. "You know, just. Fuck this."    
  
And then he walks out. Darren watches him grab his keys and his wallet before he storms out of the room, leaving Darren there stunned, with his heart spilling everywhere. 


	10. Chapter 10

He doesn't really consider himself someone who cries easily, but when he gets home that night and his mom asks, "Oh, what happened baby?" Tears rise and spill from his eyes before he can even attempt to stop them.    
  
"He just walked out, Mama," is what he gurgles out before practically falling into his mom’s arms, soaking up the affection she gives him.    
  
It's fifteen minutes before he completely stops crying, and by then his mom has ushered him into bed and tucked him in. He lies curled up on his side with her stroking his hair, and he still feels miserable, but the pain has diluted itself as he lies there stoic.    
  
"What if he doesn't want me in it?" Darren croaks out, blinking harshly against another onslaught of tears.    
  
His mom hums and pats his shoulders, asking softly, "what do you mean honey?"    
  
"His life. What if he doesn't want me in his life?" Darren sighs heavily and sits up. "He treats me like a kid."   
  
His mom’s placating smile makes him mad, and his mouth twists when he asks, "What?"   
  
She tsks, reaching forward to tweak his nose. "Don't speak to me like that. And you are a kid."   
  
"You have a grown up soulmate but you, my darling, are not a grown up. You have a dynamic in your relationship that you have to take into account."   
  
"That's not fair mama -- " he starts, twisting his hands in his covers, "I'm young but I'm not dumb. And he should treat me like I'm his partner...not someone who can't handle what they have to offer."   
  
She shakes her head, "do you really think he thinks that about you?"   
  
"You're still growing up, Darren. And maybe he wants to let you do that before you dive into his world. It could swallow you up, and then where are you left, hmm?" She cups his cheek, and he reluctantly looks up at her. "Miserable. You'll be miserable. And resentful."   
  
"But that doesn't mean he should treat me like he did Mom. He didn't even tell me what he was afraid of. Just that he had to protect me from it."    
  
She nods, and leans forward to kiss his forehead before standing up. "I agree. But you have to talk to him about it."    
  
"Take some time to cool off, and then invite him over for dinner tomorrow. Visit your friends, or call them. I haven't seen Joey or Lauren around in a long time."    
  
He nods in agreement and she leaves him with too much to think about.    
  
He had been worried about getting swallowed up in Chris' life. But he thinks he can handle himself. He thinks that as long as he and Chris are together, he should get the chance to try to figure it out.    
  
Chris should respect that. Darren knows he should.    
  
Darren flops back onto his bed and grabs his phone, scrolling through the messages he's gotten since he left school. The sheer amount makes him think too many people have his number.    
  
He shakes his head and ignores most of them, all nosy or curious to an extent, and it makes Darren uncomfortable.    
  
Nothing from Chris. Not a message or a phone call, not a peep. He doesn't know what he expected. But it still hurts.    
  
He texts Lauren and Joey both:  __ want to come over?   
  
And he gets immediate, enthusiastic replies that make him smile and lifts his mood.

  
\--    
  


After Darren fills them in, they eat pizza and play video games on his couch. He had asked not to talk about it and they agree, instead giving him school gossip over the sound of Super Smash Brothers Brawl.    
  
"So guess who got asked to Prom by our star kicker?"   
  
"You shouldn't have left early. It was probably the cutest thing ever."   
  
"Besides you and Chris of course -- ow -- " It was Lauren who said this, interrupted by Joey flicking her on the arm...hard, if the pitch of her whine indicates anything.    
  
Darren just laughs, dipping more chips into their salsa. "It's okay Joey. I'm feeling okay."   
  
"Well can I just say that you and Chris are literally the cutest pair of soulmates to exist? And that it fills my heart with fifty pounds of joy to know that you're meant to be together in every lifetime?" Lauren rambles, absentmindedly destroying Joey's character on the screen.    
  
"Son of a bitch -- " Joey curses and then reaches over and attempts to sabotage Lauren's game by covering her eyes and mouth. She, of course, simply licks him, and the whole thing is hilarious and the perfect reminder of all the wonderful parts of his life besides Chris.    
  
Parts he doesn't want to give up. But time is ticking and, now, people are watching. They're watching him, and Chris, and their entire relationship.    
  
And that means Darren has some growing up to do. His life is changing with each moment he knows and loves Chris. It's exhausting. It's difficult.    
  
It's love.    
  
What they have is unusual, and different, but it is still love at its core.   
  
The doorbell rings. And like he knew that seeing him was exactly what Darren needed, Chris is on the other side, looking sorrowful, looking regretful, looking relieved to see Darren.    
  
Darren doesn't say anything, even if he wants to jump into his arms. He's still upset about being walked out on.    
  
Chris stands there with a coat on, and his scarf in disarray and his hair in even worse shape. His eyes look tired, weary, and Darren thinks they have both made some big progress tonight.    
  
"I...am sorry for walking out on you," Chris practically whispers, staring into Darren's eyes. "It was wrong of me."   
  
Darren nods, curt, and then offers his hand. Chris takes it, and squeezes it gently, accepting the peace offering for what it is.    
  
"I have some friends over. Do you want to meet them?" Darren invites, and pulls Chris in when he nods.    
  
He hears scrambling, and cursing, and  _ "Joey, shut up, they're coming!" _ that makes him giggle and say to Chris, "They're amazing friends. You're gonna love them."   
  
They seemed to have pulled it together in the ten second walk from the door to Darren's living room. They're sitting and casually playing video games until Darren clears his throat.    
  
"Guys, this is Chris." Darren introduces, "and Chris, this is Guys."   
  
It makes Chris laugh, and he says, "Hey Guys, it's nice to meet you."   
  
Lauren laughs boisterously and says, "I'm Lauren, one-half of Guys at your service."   
  
"I'm Joey, and I am ending this terrible Dad joke right now." Joey says and Lauren sticks his tongue out at him before practically skipping up to Chris and grabbing him by the collar.    
  
Chris is adorably alarmed as he is yanked down to her height, and he looks to Darren for help.    
  
"Lauren," Darren implores, laying his palms on her shoulders. "Maybe don't choke my boyfriend to death?"   
  
"Don't take this away from her Darren, she's been wanting to do it since she found out you were with someone."   
  
"If you hurt him -- "   
  
"I'm not planning on it -- "   
  
"Joey, me, and all of our friends -- "   
  
"Lauren -- " Darren tries, although he thinks it's funny to see Chris in such a position.    
  
"Will get together and sacrifice your -- "   
  
"Okay, guys, Chris and I are going to go to my room. Feel free to leave. Lauren. Release him."   
  
Chris smooths his collar out and accepts Darren's outstretched hand, waving hesitantly at Lauren and Joey as they retreat up the stairs.    
  


\--   
  


"I'm scared too, Darren, more than you know," Chris says as soon as the door closes. "And I did a really bad job at expressing that in a way that makes sense. I'm sorry."   
  
They sit on Darren's bed, facing each other. Darren jiggles his knee out of anxiety for a while before finally saying, "Apology accepted. And I'm sorry for not listening to you."  
  
But Chris shakes his head no, reaching out for Darren's hands, "Don't apologize. I'm sorry that you got stuck with a soulmate who can't treat you the way you deserve."  
  
"You are the only soulmate that I could ever want," Darren objects, squeezing Chris' hands. "And we will get through this."   
  
"We will."   
  
\--    
  
They decide to just go with the flow. Darren doesn't see the point in denying it, but Chris doesn't want to make them a huge spectacle, so they approach it differently.   
  
"I say we take back control," Darren says when he and Chris get ice cream once he gets out of school. "You're leaving in three days and I don't want our last days to be us strategizing how to tell the world about us."  
  
"Control the situation instead of letting it control us?" Chris asks, licking the chocolate off his spoon.   
  
"Exactly. And I have an idea."  
  
Chris shrugs. "Okay, babe, if you got it, I trust you."  
  
Darren's heart swells. Chris would have never allowed for Darren to have control like this at the beginning of their relationship. They have both grown so much, and all this is doing is cementing Darren's desire for them to start their life together.   
  
People have been getting acceptance/rejection letters from a lot of colleges recently. And Darren sits on the edge, waiting for his. He's already been accepted to Fordham, CSU East Bay, but he was rejected from Chicago.   
  
His heart is set on UCLA at this point. He just wants to be with Chris.   
  
\--   
  
Darren has to get used to the idea of people being involved with his relationship. So he takes back control the only way he can think.   
  
Twitter.   
  
_@mrDECriss_ _:_ Wow! So many new ppl here  
  
 _@mrDECriss_ _:_ It's okay...I know ur only here for my boyfriend :'(

  
_ @mrDECriss _ _:_ but since I'm a glass half full kind of guy, I will think of this as an opportunity to show you how lucky I am.    
  
He has a collection of pictures he's been taking while Chris has been in San Francisco with him that he thought he would just keep for himself, but now they have a better use.    
  
He posts a picture of Chris' profile he took while Chris was driving, and a picture of him kissing Chris' cheek that is totally staged but still adorable.    
  
Now he shares them for approximately 100k (and counting) people to see, and he doesn't feel any hesitance or fear about it. He is okay, with people knowing and without them knowing. He and Chris are solid either way.    
  
It's just that this way he gets to filter what people see instead of having them dig, while fulfilling his need to show Chris off.    
  
Lauren texts him not long after the tweets:   
  


6:02pm:   
Oh. My. God.    
6:02pm:

Your. Mother. Fucking. God. Damn. Tweets.    
6:02pm:

So. Cute.    
  


Darren grins and then texts Chris,  _ We're so cute :P _   
  
Chris replies,  ** I see what you did. And while it makes me very nervous, I must agree. We are adorable. **


	11. Chapter 11

When Chris goes back to Los Angeles, it's infinitely more difficult than the last time. Darren gets irrationally moody when he thinks about it, but he still lets himself help Chris take his bags down to his car where his assistant is waiting.    
  
Their greeting is cordial but Darren simply isn't in the mood.    
  
Their relationship has changed over the past three weeks. They've fought with each other, yelled at each other, touched each other, kissed each other, had mature conversations. They've played together, they've giggled and smiled with one another.    
  
Darren is used to it, after only three weeks. Every time Darren thinks he can't get anymore sure, they get a little closer, and his heart gets a little deeper into their love.    
  
They have spent the past weeks not connecting, but reconnecting, because Darren is absolutely sure that they're soulmates. And that if they hadn't found each other in this life, they would have in another, and if not in this universe, then in a different one.    
  
Darren could write an album with everything he's feeling as he sets Chris' last bag on top of his suitcase. He looks up, at the gray but steady sky, and feels the trees in the hotel parking lot rustle around him. He wraps his arms around himself for just a minute, hoping to hold himself together.    
  
Arms come around his shoulders, and Darren welcomes the touch, one of the last, for awhile. Chris nuzzles their cheeks together and kisses his neck in affection.    
  
"I've had a great time here with you, Darren. I really hope you did too, my love," Chris kisses his cheek and Darren would giggle at both the nickname and the peck if he wasn't feeling so gloomy. As it is, he can only crack a small smile.    
  
"Of course I had fun. I just know I'll miss you," Darren says, turning around. Their eyes meet and Darren reaches up to rub Chris' shoulders, looking away and focusing on that.    
  
He clears his throat softly. "I'll miss you so much."   
  
"Things are different now, aren't they?"    
  
In good ways, in bad ways, things have changed. They both know it.    
  
Darren only nods, instead focusing on the muscles under his hands. He slides them down Chris' back, trying to memorize the curve and firmness of his body.    
  
Chris plays with his hair gently as he continues. "I like it though. I like how we are, right now."    
  
Darren nods. "You are, without a doubt, my soulmate."    
  
"Maybe fate is immune to mistakes. And maybe we don't make sense to everyone else, but we make sense to us, right?"   
  
Darren has to laugh at that. Not because of the sentiment -- no, never that -- but because, "You are such a writer."    
  
Darren looks into Chris' eye again and sees his amusement reflected back at him. "Have I ever told you how gorgeous you are when you laugh like that?"    
  
Darren shakes his head and presses forward for a legitimate hold, burying his blush in Chris' shoulder. There, he muffles out, "Yes, Chris, we make sense to us. And that is all that matters."   
  
"Mhm," Chris hums in his ear, squeezing tighter. "So neither of us has to worry. But missing you is inevitable."    
  
_ Loving you was inevitable _ _,_ Darren thinks, but agrees shakily verbally.    
  
It is possibly the longest goodbye in history, but eventually they part and Darren walks Chris to the driver’s seat where they kiss a few more times before Chris reluctantly gets in the car and buckles up.    
  
"I'll text you, probably when Nina and I switch over. Are you sure you don't want us to drop you off?"   
  
Darren nods, not wanting to prolong their goodbye. "Mom will be here soon. Get home safe."   
  
"You too, honey, you too," Chris says with affection before closing the door and starting up the car. Darren steps back and waves as he goes.    
  
\--    
  
Thankfully Chris leaves on a Saturday, because there is no reason to stop him from spending all day wrapped up in his blankets on Sunday.    
  
They text on and off, mostly _ I miss you's _ and casual conversations that don't require too much of their attention either way. Darren senses that since Chris spent so much of his focus for three weeks on him and their relationship, it's probably time for him to buckle down on work, especially his writing. He won't be surprised if their conversation is spotty for a few days, not with all Chris has to attend to.    
  
That is the nature of their relationship. It's weird and unusual but Darren finds that he is okay with it. He doesn't need smothering or constant attention, just the steady presence of love that Chris gives him without even thinking.    
  
So, February is a weird month. Even on Darren's birthday, there isn't a big celebration or explosion, it just simply is. He's eighteen, he and Chris are steady and in love, and he doesn't have much longer before he graduates.    
  
Graduation is also a weird thing for Darren to think about. It's one of the few things where he just doesn't know anymore. His heart has been set on University of Michigan, but he thinks his goals are changing. He doesn't want to put unnecessary strain on he and Chris when he knows he would be just as happy in Los Angeles.    
  
He and Chris do talk about it, when February is coming to an end and the date for acceptance/rejection letters looms nearer.    
  
"If Michigan is where you want to go, Darren, then we can work it out," Chris assures him over Skype.    
  
And they probably could. But Darren is tired of being separated.    
  
They would have to be separated if he gets into Michigan and decides to go. Chris can't just up and move to Michigan and Darren can't commute to Los Angeles.    
  
It's another one of those times where their age difference is in stark contrast. Darren's life is just beginning, while Chris is set in his life and friends and career. Chris owns a house, would have to put it on the market or rent it were he relocate to Michigan.    
  
Chris would, if it came down to it, relocate. If Darren was in his sophomore year and they decided that it was just too hard, one of them would relocate and it would probably be Chris.    
  
"I want to be with you, Chris," Darren assures his boyfriend, "more than I want to go to a specific college."   
  
"And honestly, my mind is pretty made up. Why are you fighting me on this so hard? Do you  _ want  _ us to be apart?"   
  
"Of course I don't," Chris denies. Darren didn't really think that was the case but it's nice to hear the denial. "I am just afraid that maybe you have an idea of what it'll be like and that when you get here you will be disappointed." 

 

“You just have to know that even when we are in the same city, it will be hard,” Chris explains, as if Darren hadn’t already thought about it all. “There isn’t a magic answer.”

 

“It just feels like the best option,” Darren tries one last time, “And I promise I am not under any delusions about it being absolutely perfect if we live in the same city. It honestly,  _ honestly _ feels like the best option for me, for us. I feel it deep in my heart. So just trust me, okay?”

 

Chris is quiet for a few moments, and Darren watches the thoughts run through his head as he processes it. Finally, he speaks up, and it is with a genuine, free smile, “I won’t lie and say that I  don’t want you closer to me, rather than further.”

 

“And it would be  _ such _ a pain in the ass if we were across the country from each other. We can’t even stand being six hours apart,” Darren teases and he and Chris share a laugh that releases all the anxiety they had left.

 

It feels like it is all coming together. 

 

\--

 

As Darren holds the white envelope labeled  _ Univeristy of California, Los Angeles _ in his hand, he realizes that he spent so much time discussing with Chris the merits of going to Los Angeles that he never even developed nerves over  not getting in. His nerves have all been about getting in and what to do from there.

 

But now, he realizes how much he is looking forward to being in L.A. with Chris, and how much it would suck if he didn’t even get in.  

 

He does, get in. But it would have  really sucked if he didn’t.

 

Obviously Chris is the first person who hears the good news. 

 

_ Moving in days are September 12th through the 15th… _

_ But I was thinking about coming to the city a little bit earlier. _

 

** Oh really? And why would you want to do that? **

 

_ To sight-see, of course. I hear it’s a great city. _

 

** And I hear there’s a special boy coming who’s going to make it an amazing city. **

 

_ An d I hear that guy was blessed with the greatest soulmate ever. _

 

** I bet they are one hot couple. **

 

_ And I bet L.A. doesn’t know what’s coming. _


	12. Epilogue

** 2+ Years Later **

 

His freshmen and sophomore year, Darren stayed in the dorms UCLA provided. He stayed the first year because they required him to, and the second year because he made awesome friends that he wasn’t ready to leave. 

 

And because Chris was gone, out of L.A. to shoot a movie for most of his sophomore year anyways. 

 

Their relationship changed over those two years. When Chris was out of the country for the movie, it was long distance all over again. And when he came back they were on awkward and unsure footing that led to a stressful, depressed finals week for Darren that year.

 

But they made up not long after finals, and made the decision that brought them to where they are right now. 

 

“Darren, you have to put some of your instruments in storage,” Chris looks exasperated, and tired from moving boxes all day. Darren thinks he is absolutely adorable, even if he is practically trying to cut off Darren’s left arm with his words. 

 

“Chris,” Darren starts, laying his hands on Chris’ biceps and squeezing, hoping it will help his case. 

 

It doesn’t, because Chris just shakes his head and shrugs away from Darren’s touch. “Can we please compromise? I promise to make sure anything you put in storage is well taken care of.”

 

“We have the  _ room _ _,_ Chris,” Darren whines, because it’s true. Chris’ house is big and lavish, and definitely more than a two bedroom. There’s their bedroom, Chris’ office,  _ Darren’s office _ (which he uses to escape to write music, mainly), and three bathrooms and a  _ pool .  _

 

“Exactly. Which means, you, my darling,” Chris rubs their foreheads together, grasping at Darren’s hips and mouthing at his jaw, “will definitely, definitely think it’s okay to have your instruments everywhere  other than your office. And that will drive me crazy.”

 

He has a point. Darren is pretty bad at organizing things. 

 

“You can't confine creativity, my love,” Darren grins, and attempts to slither to the floor, hoping maybe sex will change Chris’ mind. 

 

Darren got over his mental dilemma about having sex with Chris halfway through freshman year. And once he broke through the nerves and the anxiety, it has become fun and constant, without any of the pressures Darren at first felt. 

 

But Chris stops him by stepping back so Darren can't access his pants, rolling his eyes, “I'm not going to be distracted by sex. We need to compromise.”

 

Darren stands back up and crosses his arms, trying to suppress his smile. “Fine. My guitar, ukulele, keyboard, and violin all stay here.”

 

“Thank  God you don't want to keep the drumset,” Chris exhales dramatically. “Done deal.” 

 

The rest of moving in goes smoothly, because Darren doesn't have too much stuff to transfer out of his dorms. 

 

And at the end of the day, when they're both exhausted from running around town and moving boxes and instruments, Darren climbs into Chris’ ( their ) huge bed and lets Chris wrap him up in his arms, love, and support. 

 

He says, when his eyes are dropping and he's on the verge of a peaceful sleep, “This is what we have been working for, isn't it? Contentment like this?”

 

“Yes, Darren,” Chris’ voice is heavy with sleep and fondness. “It all worked out, and we can finally be together, forever.”

 

“That's what you want, right?” 

 

“It's  _ all _ I want,” is the last thing Darren says before he breathes deep, snuggles closer into Chris, and falls asleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments, and please [ reblog ](http://blackwhiteriot.tumblr.com/post/132198144643/cc-fic-youre-every-line-every-word-everything) the post on tumblr! :)


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